Beyond The Cover

Too Big, Too Small

2010-02-24T06:06:00.000-08:00

Hello Friends,
We apologize for falling off of our schedule...is it an excuse to say that we're learning to be flexible with our schedules?! Maybe it is! Anyways, here is last Friday's post. Please share your thoughts in the comment section - we'd love to hear what is on your heart (in relation to the book).

Jenna -

In this chapter, us first borns are called out on some common weaknesses:

Bossing younger ones around or nagging them
Making all the decisions
Demanding or expecting too much
Constantly finding fault or criticizing
Being too bus for younger siblings
Overlooking the needs of the younger ones
Being embarrassed by them, rather than being proud of their unique features and strengths
Pushing our own ideas
Leaving the younger ones out
Considering ourselves more important than them
Being too controlling
Trying to change the faults we see in our siblings
Teasing and laughing for fun, without realizing the hurt we are causing
Taking advantage of younger siblings

I have one sister with special needs - on some days I find myself correcting her on everything; seeming like she can't do anything correctly. I try to control her, change the faults that I see in her, I constantly find fault and make all the decisions. Often times I feel like it's so hard for *me* to deal with all of her special needs, but this sibling not only has to deal with her special needs; she has to deal with me and all *my* faults that I listed above.

This chapter has helped me to see that I need to quit correcting her so much, and ENCOURAGE, not tear down. It is not my desire to tear her down.

I can:

Set a good example
Be willing to learn from her
Express love
Protect her from wrong influences, wrong friends and wrong information
Include her in my life
Pray for her daily
Don't have expectations
Take initiative to do projects with her

We can all apply this loving method of the "older sibling" to our younger siblings, and Lord willing have some much better results in improving our relationships!! Let's build each other up!

Stephens Definitions:

Cheerfulness - It may be contagious, but it seems like some people have been vaccinated against the infection

Chores - What to say you're doing if you want a few minutes by yourself

Etc. - The perfect word when you can't think of the right one

Firstborn's philosophy - Never put off til tomorrow what you can order someone else to do today (wouldn't you hate to be known as this??)

Golden Rule - Something that may be old, but hasn't been used enough to show any signs of wear.

Energy - Something little brothers and sisters save for rainy days

Females - People who take their time taking your time:)

In Christ,

Jenna for Bethany and Josh!!

BTW, Bethany had to give her book back to the library and can't get it again right now, so that is why you don't see her wonderful posts...we should all be back soon!! Do you want to help me out in the comment section, and add to my thoughts??!

The Door to My Room is Locked

2010-02-18T15:00:00.000-08:00

{Three Life-Changing Attitudes}

Bethany~

Sensitivity: "Seeing beyond the surface to the real needs of those I am with." Sensitivity is vital to a relationship of any kind. If sensitivity is not found in a relationship, people will be hurt, little encouragement will be given and no one will feel happy or loved. This is one area that I really need to work on myself. Being a person who is not very sensitive to things other do to me, I am often not near as sensitive as I should be with others.

Meekness: "Giving up my rights and dying to my wants, knowing that God is actually in charge." I always enjoy reading these chapters in this book because you can so tell the Mally's birth order by their writing and stories. Sarah is definitely the oldest. Grace - obviously the youngest, and Stephen stuck right in the middle. Being the oldest in the family, I enjoy reading Sarah's section since I can often relate and struggle in the same areas (sibling wise). Being a leader is natural to the eldest child in the family but often it comes out bossy even if it's not meant to be. It's not easy for many older siblings to show meekness to their younger siblings, but another vital role in your relationship with them.

Compassion: "Gently healing hurts because we are able to feel how other have been wrongfully injured." Okay, another tough one for me. Now, if someone "wrongfully injures" one of my siblings (both physically or hurts their feelings), they'd better watch out 'cause I'm going to come after them. However, I'm not a soft gushy person and am not about ready to cry whenever someone else is or comfort them when they get hurt. I'm more of a "buck up and get over it" type of person but I know that isn't always appropriate. Yes, another one of those things to work on!

"Everyday, almost every minute, we can be demonstrating these three traits of godliness. As sensitivity, meekness, and compassion become a pattern in our lives, we will see unexpected benefits in our relationships with our siblings. We may never know just how much we have impacted their lives." (p. 176)

Jenna~

Bethany, Josh and I are all "first borns"...we and all the other first borns out there can usually relate to the hardship of meekness and "voluntarily putting yourself underneath another...". It takes surrenduring pride and showing humility, sensitivity and compassion.

This book has been a tremendous encouragement, but it has also stretched me and given me a different outlook on being the oldest sister.

Number 1: I am NOT supposed to be the boss! I have the tendancy to quickly (and efficiantly!) divide the chores and "encourage" (though often perceived as nagging to my siblings) everyone to keep at their chores and get them done well...it's become a habit to me and annoyance to them. I am working on breaking this habit because I want to be a Sensitive...and Meek...and Compasionate sister.

This is a constant journey for me, and I'm sure many of you ~ I'm just sharing from my experiences and my heart!

Don't get discouraged. Keep working on your part of sibling relationships and ask the Lord to help you:)

Stephen's Definitions:

Charity - Something that should begin at home, but most people don't stay at home long enough to begin it.
Character - Have it. Don't be one.
Mistake - The first one usually made is opening your mouth.
Conscience - It may be a stil, quiet voice, but it sure yells loudly afterwards.
Diplomacy - The art of letting someone else get your way.

Oh Brother!

2010-02-15T04:42:00.000-08:00

Dealing with "Bothers" and Sisters

Bethany:

When I saw the title of this I just had laugh. Our previous Youth Pastor always referred to siblings as "blisters" (sisters) and "bothers" (brothers). Of course he was joking, but the point was made. It's sad to say, but siblings don't get along perfectly all the time (imagine that!!!!!).

I'll give you a quick example of situations. Last year we had 4 foster girls (on top of our already 6 children) which put our family at 9 girls and 1 boy all 15 and under. Talk about hormones! All of them were homeschooled by my mom and it was dead in the middle of winter (that seemed to never let up). I tell ya, we were bored, sick and tired of each other and about ready to pull each others hair out (inside joke, just bear with me). This was the perfect situation to just all about "go at" each other. I think sometimes just changing the situation will help. If you can help in any way change what everyone is doing (like as in, we were all closed in together with nothing other than schoolwork and pick on each other, so Dad packed us all up for the weekend and we had a little family vacation) DO IT! When we got back from our little vacation, everyone was in much better spirits and had a better outlook on things. Now, you can do something way smaller such as all the kids are about ready to drive you balistic (they are being loud, annoying, obnoxious, etc) give them something to do. Bring them outside, read them a book, tell them a story, etc. Set aside your pride and selfeshness and help address the problem!

Just to let you know...I'm talking right to myself. I need to remember all the time! Currently having 3 brothers 9 and under, yeah it gets a little crazy. Sometimes I'm just about ready to blow up but I've gotta remember, think about them, not myself. I've gotta learn to respond with humility and patience. Okay...putting that on my mental list. :) Always lots to learn!

Jenna:

We all have things that bother us... maybe it's when 2 siblings (my sisters!) are running through the house singing at the VERY TOP OF THEIR LUNGS (they claim that they're praising Jesus!), or when you've got a younger brother that TRYS to purposely do every little thing to BUG you?!? My goodness, life can be full of little things that are BOTHERING us, but how are WE responding to the irritations? It comes back to our heart again!

If our siblings are "bothering" us, than maybe we're looking at them as pests instead of friends?
We all know that if we respond and say "STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!! You're driving my CrAZy! WOn't you just quit it?????????????" they get that wonderful reaction that they had (possibly) hoped for and everything explodes.

What happens if we say something kind to them, encouraging, helpful? Then we don't get angry and {hopefully} they'll stop whatever they're doing to be annoying! Maybe you're getting easily offended? GIVE UP YOUR RIGHTS and PRIDE!
If things continue to escalate, than go to your mom and dad for help INSTEAD of fighting - the perfect change to practice humility, right?

Just a few tips on what to do with a bothering sibling:
1. Accept this irritation as from the Lord
2. Examine yourself for what you may h ave done to cause this irritation.
3. Determine what you can learn through this irritation.
4. See his/her need.
5. View this as a test from the Lord.

Stephen's Definitions
Anger - Just one letter short of danger.
Self-Control - Something that comes in mightly handy when you're eating salted peanuts.
Temperance - A trait learned from a tea kettle - though it's up to it's neck in hot water, it continues to sing.
Peace - The period of confusion and unrest between two wars.
Patience - The art of concealing your impatience.
Cooperation - Doing what I tell you and doing it quickly.

Do any of you have examples to share of situations/ways that you have irritations in your life? :)

~Bethany and Jenna~

Home Survival Kit

2010-02-13T05:10:00.000-08:00

The Number One Key to All Relationships

Bethany ~

"Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: For God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time." (1 Peter 5:5-6)

The key of humility...this is one of the best chapter in this book so far. Without this key of humility, we will not find our problems in the home, desire to serve others in our family, admit you are wrong, or do anything else we have previously addressed in this book. Humility. What an amazing character trait that so few people have.

The first person that comes to mind from the Bible that was a very humble man, was Abraham. When his nephew Lot's herdsmen were fighting with his herdsmen, he first said told Lot that there must be no fighting between them. Abraham allowed the younger Lot to pick the land first...the green lush grazing land, or the rugged, desert mountains. Of course Lot chose the lush land and Abraham was left with the rugged mountains.

Don't let pride get in the way of a relationship. It's so easy to do, as we are created with auto-pride machines in us. Yet with God's help, we can conquer that pride and let humility reign in it's place.

Jenna ~

Applying humility. It's one of those things that *seems* easy at first, but it magnifies once you actually try!! How do you show humility? Here is the list of ways to start applying humility - I like these lists (if you can't tell!)...

How to Apply Humility:
- Be willing to listen to them (siblings or friends) instead of talking about yourself.
- Ask for their help and advice
- Consider your siblings more important than yourself (Phil. 2:3-4)
- Be willing to do things THEIR way. Don't make all the decisions (this is especially hard for first-borns like me;)
- Let others be the first to tell the latest news.
- Say, "I was wrong," and explain why.
- Ask forgiveness
- Share your struggles
- Be quick to give in when there is a problem.
- Never put them down by joking about them
- Express gratefulness and thankfulness for the ways they benefit your life.
- Be willing to do the things no one else wants to do.
- Look for ways to serve them
- Submit to them (Ephesians 5:21)
- Try to fit into their schedule, rather than forcing them to fit into yours.

Many of you know that I am the "first born" daughter and almost the first born child and yes, I suffer from the oldest child bossy syndrome. It's a terrible syndrome that makes your siblings suffer more than you do - it makes them miserable and often times makes them build up brick walls in the relationship because you're being bossy.

Here's an example for you of OCBS (Oldest Child Bossy Syndrome): I love to work - I love finding a job/chores that show tons of progress or even little things that will never be noticed. I Enjoy making a difference, working is just something that I love!! On the other hand, one of my sisters LOVES and I mean LOVES to read...I think that reading is a good thing, but I also think that she sits in the chair too much doing it:) So, being the one with OCBS and having ever so much "knowlege" (JK), I'll say "sister, you need to get out of the chair now and DO SOMETHING!!! Anything besides reading, really. She gets offended and I'm now the bad guy for being bossy! I've just caused her to put another brick on the wall that grows between a relationship. I made a mistake, but I also have the opportunity to take that brick back off the wall and practice humility!! I can (and will work on) going back to her and saying "I'm so sorry for being bossy to you, please forgive me - I was wrong..."

This is an example of me talking too much and not humbling myself - I think that I'm right, and that she needs to obey me. Sometimes I think that she needs to like work and cleaning like I do but that's not looking for ways to serve her...Where is my humility?!

I see in my life, that there are literally HUNDREDS of opportunity's each day for me to practice humility. Here I go again, ready to conquer another giant with the Lord's help!

Stephens Definitions!

Public Opinion: What people think people think.
Mistakes: Something made only by others; we only make unavoidable errors.
Faults: When looking for these, use a mirror, not a telescope...
Argument: When two people are trying to get in the last word first.

What blessed you in this chapter? What are your thoughts on Humility? Would you care to comment with your thoughts on this chapter?!?

In Christ,
Jenna and Bethany

Peace Treaties in the Living Room

2010-02-10T06:09:00.000-08:00

Healing Hurt Relationships

Bethany -

The Three Types of Conscience.....A good conscience, a guilty conscience and a dead conscience. This chapter talks about the importance of asking forgiveness and the relief of guilt off your conscience.

I remember when I was about 5 or 6 years old we were at my grandparents house and I broke something in their home. Rather than going and telling anyone, I just left it be. A few hours later at home I was a miserable mess. I had no appetite, didn't want to do anything and just felt like crying. Finally I told my mom and she let me call my grandparents and I told them what I had broken and told them I would replace it. What a relief! I was so glad to have that burden off my conscience!

Don't keep a guilty conscience, it's miserable and you aren't right with God. It may be difficult to ask forgiveness, but it's better than being separated from our Heavenly Father.

Jenna -

"Little sins that are never made right will affect us for the rest of our lives. If there are little offenses we have not taken care of, we have guilt which willl be a hindrance in our relationship with God and others. Guilt does to relationships what injuries, handicaps, diseases or poisons do to the body. They hinder the way if functions." Pg. 105

I have had this in my own life, where I'll put off asking forgiveness for something and HOPE that the other person that I offended will forget what I did. That DID hinder my relationship with Jesus Christ and once I took care of my offense, I was able to keep growing in the Lord.

Don't put off asking forgiveness. It can sound scary to have to go up to someone and confess your wrong, but as Bethany said, the guilt will consume you! You will be a miserable mess.

Take a few moments, and make a list of things that you have never asked forgiveness for. Go to the person that you hurt or offended and take care of the matter... Don't put it off 'til tomorrow for you don't know what it may bring.

Stephen's Definitions

Answers - What wehave for other people's problems

Popularity - Knowing that there are two sides to every question and taking both of them.

Conscience - Something that keeps more people awake than coffee.

Clear Conscience - Often the sign of a bad memory.

Problems - Psychiatrists tell us that talking solves these - it also causes them

Eraser - The perfect invention for human beings.

Mind - A high tech, fully automated, non-battery-operated excuse maker (now with more memory!).

In Christ,

Jenna and Bethany

~ If you are interested in writing a guest post this month, please email Jenna at femininefarmgirl@gmail.com. We would love to have other youth participating in this discussion!

Problems Come and Problems Stay

2010-02-09T04:13:00.000-08:00

Finding the Root Problem

Bethany:

My Dad always says, "The issue is not really the real issue." For instance, when one sibling says something that hurts another siblings feelings, the hurt sibling may go and yell at another sibling because of t. The issue then seems to be the one yelling at the other, however it really has more to do with the one sibling hurting the feelings of another sibling.

These issues should not be addressed in any other way that with forgiveness. This is the ONLY way that is really going to work to get everyone on the same path again. Humble yourself and ask forgiveness of the one you have hurt. If you don't get to the root of things now, it's going to get worse and worse.

3 Keys to Forgiveness

1. Remember that God has forgiven us, so we should forgive others as well.

2. Remember that people are like little lambs. May do not have the teaching and leading of a good shepherd. That is why, when Jesus was suffering on the cross, He said about those who had mocked, ridiculed and tortured Him unjustly, "Father forgive them; for they know not what they do. (Luke 23:34)

3. Remember to ask God why He let this unjustice happen. These reasons may include:

a) It is a test from God.

b) It is a temptation from Satan.

c) It is an assignment from God.

d) It is a souce of unseen benefits which God want to give us in an unusual way.

Jenna:

As we search for the "unwanted strangers" in our lives and sibling relationships, we have to humble ourselves as we peel away each layer of our heart. Let me be painfully honest here, I have a hard time searching out problems in my life. It is a pride issue (that I AM dealing with.), and when I am proud or haughty, it is impossible to HONESTLY evaluate my rights and wrongs.

Getting rid of all pride and sin is hard...it's painful...it's humbling and it is FREEING! Pride is such an issue in most sibling relationships...I deal with it every day.

Ask yourself these questions as you search and pray:

Have I hurt them through unkind words or actions?
Have I lied to them or stolen from them?
Have I made fun of them or teased them? Especially in front of my friends? Or their friends?
Have I neglected to do something that they were expecting from me?
Have I been hard to please?
Have I been angry with them or lost my temper?
Have I been insensitive to their feelings?
Have I treated them unjustly in any way?
Have I put my own friends and priorities ahead of them?
Have I gossiped against them?
Have I caused frustration by not noticing or praising them?
Have I had a competitive spirit against them?
Have I failed to fulfill something I said I would do?
Have I ignored them with an attitude of unconcern?

If there was a circumstance that came to your mind while you meditated on those questions - that you never addressed, ask forgiveness for it. Your sibling will be blessed by your humility. They will follow your own example, especially if you are older.

~Bethany and Jenna~

Skunks and Mothballs

2010-02-06T04:45:00.000-08:00

Josh-

"In the same way, each of us will be either a 'polluting influence' or a godly influence to those around us. God desires that we spread the fragrance of Christ everywhere we go. We want to saturate our community with the fragrance of Christ. Our godly attitudes, purity, and willingness to stand for Christ will spread His fragrance. Just as my bag spent it's time sitting next to mothballs, so we want to spend our time with Jesus. If we are abiding with Christ and His Word, His fragrance will automatically flow from us."

While this quote does not directly relate to making your brother or sister a best friend, I feel that it does possess some coherance, in the context of the big picture. If you take a step back and look at the big picture of your relationship with your sibling, you can make the connection between "saturating the community with the fragrance of Christ" to saturating your sibling relationship with the fragrance of Christ. With Jesus Christ as he heart and focus of a relationship, love for one another will stronger than ever! Just as we want to be a "godly influence to those around us", all the same, we should strive to be a godly influence to our siblings as well...

Jenna -

"As Sarah, Stephen, and I are growing older, our relationship is changing. We used to play Legos and games together, but now we like to talk, laugh and do projects together. We haven't drifted apart because of our own separate friends, interests, and schedules. No, our relationship stays strong...If we can learn to love and work well with our families as we're growing up, it will help us when we need to get along with other people in life." Pg. 69

My mom and I have talked many times about not letting our schedules get so busy that we don't have any time to invest in our siblings. I know that it is very easy to get wrapped up in personal interests and activities...and, when you're struggling with getting along with a sibling, "running away and hiding" in your personal interests and activities is the perfect solution - at least that's what we're tempted to think.

A helpful relationship strengthener, is to find an area of interest that you and your sibling(s) share...for our family that is animals:) Most of us really like goats, and so we do barnchores 2x a day together, we prepare them for a show and show them together, and everything that we do for goats and animals is TOGETHER!! We have learned how to work together - though we're still working on communication between some of us. This year Abigail is joining Josh and I in showing hogs...we do that project TOGETHER which makes it so much fun!!! We work through the rough spots together, compile our notebooks together, laugh and talk while we work together etc. 4-H has been a great resource for our relationships.

Another idea is reading. For a while Josh read the Hardy Boys to Caleb and Abigail and every afternoon they looked forward to it! Every afternoon before rest time, we read books to Anna and Natalie - they LOVE it!!!

I encourage all of you to find a COMMON AREA OF INTEREST and invest in that interest...maybe it is animals, maybe it's some sport, maybe it's cooking. Your siblings will really enjoy the time that you invest in them.

Bethany -

It is so easy to look at the small picture and what is going to affect us now. It's so easy to say "my sister/brother absolutely hates me so why would I even try to work on our relationship" but in the long run, your siblings are going to be around you for pretty much forever and a life with love is way more enjoyable then a life with hate. My Dad always told my sister and I, "Friends have an end, but sisters (or brothers!) are FOREVER." In the long run, your hard fought fight to have a good relationship with your siblings is going to pay off and you will have some of the best friends of your life.

The big picture includes three things to focus on:

#1. Cleanse Your Life "One essential step in seeking God's best is to get rid of any "polluting influence" that you are allowing in your life or home or family". (p.66) This would be getting those things that are hurting your relationships such as corrupt music, bad books, friends that are causing you to take too much time away from your family, etc.

#2. Spend Time with the Lord and His Word. By spending time in God's word and talking to Him, you will glean wonderful encouragement and learn how better to love your siblings. Plus, why wouldn't talk to the King of Kings if you had the open invitation?

#3. Submit to Your Parents "Parental authority is a concept that most people to not seem to grasp. One of the main things that people have difficulty understanding about authority is that it is a GOOD thing, not a BAD thing." (p. 69)

Parents are a wonderful authority that God has given us. If we submit to them, we may learn more about our family and how to treat them."You can only see up to the next bend and you don't know what is ahead.

"From the sky you can see the whole river and where you are going, but from down below you can only see the next step. We need to look at our life from God's perspective. Sometimes we only know the next task or the next step, but the Lord has a much bigger plan in store for us." (p. 80)

The Benefits of Being a Good Brother or Sister:

You will bring honor to your parents.
You will have a good (powerful and effective) testimony to others
You will be laying a godly foundation for generations to come
You will get more accomplished (because you will have cooperation instead of conflicts)
You will experience a peaceful home
You will be building vital character traits of godliness in your life
You will have excellent preparation for your future marriage and ministry
Your investment in the life of your sister or brother will be a priceless treasure to them
You and your siblings will avoid the trap of needing approval from friends, because you will find security in each other
Your love will be a demonstration to everyone that you are Christ's disciple
Your brothers and sisters will be one of your greatest resources of caution and counsel, and help in times of need.
You will find great joy!
You will enjoy the rich, lifelong friendship that God intended
You will gain experience and insight which will help you get along with other believers - your brothers and sisters in Christ.

Stephens Definitions

Perplexed - One boy who must write one sentence.
Cofused - One boy who must write one paragraph.
Disaster - One boy who has a deadline set by his sister!
Skunk - A creature with enough "scents" not to play hide and seek.
Future - A time to schedule all of your work.
Campers - Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes.

Blessings to you all as you work on INVESTING in your siblings and look to the future - you want your relationships to be strong and close, right?

~Josh, Jenna and Bethany

The Chance of a Lifetime

2010-02-03T04:15:00.000-08:00

Your Life Work Starts in Your Family

Characteristics of a True Servant

Knows that all assignments are actually from God
Will be quick to volunteer
Considers his assignment important
Takes orders
Does not desire to have authority
Will do what others do not or will not do
Enjoys meeting needs
Doesn't need recognition
Will voluntarily serve without pay
Doesn't seek higher status
Will do more than is required
Does not have his own selfish ambitions
Will serve anyone - even those whom others don't like to serve
Is willing to be treated like a servant
Does not seek the "big" and "important" assignments
Will serve with a joyful attitude
Will put his whole heart into each task
Thinks of others before himself
Desires that his master receives the credit
Desires that God receives the glory

Jenna -

While we were reading Do Hard Things, we talked about doing the SMALL things...the "things" that don't seem important, but they are! We're back to that in this book; but can you do the small things with a servants heart?

As the older sister with "bossy syndrome", I will often ask one of the younger kids to go and get something for me. I realize that this is wrong and I have tried to stop though it is hard because that was my habit.

The other day I was putting some laundry away, and my younger brother looked at me and said "Jenna, you're a servant aren't you"? At first it sounded funny to me, and then I said "yes" because that's what I desire!! The Characteristics listed above, changed my thinking. I am a servant, and don't think that it's misery! You will be a huge blessing to many people because of your servants heart.

"And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance; for ye serve the Lord Christ."

Colossians 3:23-24

Bethany -

Like Jenna mentioned, we just covered this exact issue in our last book.....Do Hard Things! This chapter very much reminds me of the chapter "Small Hard Things" in that we really need to focus on the smaller, less glamorous things of life such as loving siblings that are hard to get along with, babysitting those crazy little ones or living peacefully in a home. Those things can be really really hard, even if they aren't big and exciting.

I believe God gave families for many special reasons. I think families help build character in each person's life. Parents learn how to teach and love at the time same time. Children learn to obey submissively. Siblings learn to love and serve even when it is difficult.

"God has put a mission field right before us. We need to be understanding and encouraging to our siblings, parents and grandparents. When we are ten, twelve or sixteen years old, we may not have the opportunity to be a missionary to Africa, but we can fulfill the ministry that God wants us to do right now, right here. 'He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much.' (Luke 16:10)

It's not a glamourous, exciting or outwardly rewarding field that many people notice, but being a servant to our family is one of the most wonderful, inwardly rewarding jobs in life. Take hold of it and enjoy your family today!

Stephen's Definitions
Slave - Synonym for "son."
Perplexed - One sister who mus make one left turn.
Confused - Two sisters who mush make two left turns.
Disaster - When two lost sisters, who insist they have made two right turns, call home for directions, and no one is home but their mother!
Vacation - When you travel for days to get your picture taken next to your car.
Important - A false idea we have about ourselves.

If any of you have an interest in writing a guest post on this book, please email Jenna at femininefarmgirl @ gmail . com ! Thank you.

~Jenna and Bethany

Home Sweet Home: In Crisis

2010-02-01T05:05:00.000-08:00

Wow, the beginning of another book! We've been so blessed by going through these books and discussing them on this blog, we hope you have been as well! If you are joining, we hope you enjoy this new book....Making Brothers and Sister's Best Friends by Sarah, Stephen and Grace Mally.

Why Your Own Family is Often Your Biggest Struggle

6 Reasons for Family Conflict:

#1. False Concepts

#2. Bitterness

#3. Higher Expectations of Our Family

#4. Lower Expectations of Ourselves

#5. Distractions
#6. Hidden Enemy Influences

Bethany:

"Sometimes you are helpless the only solution is to be rescued. You can't do it by yourself."

~Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends (p. 18)

Let's start out facing the truth......home is one of the most difficult places to get along with everyone. There have definately been times where I need rescuing. Sure there may be days where everyone gets along beautifully, but others are just horrible. I'm saying this from experience. I personally live in a home with many siblings and sometimes they are often changing. Last year our family decided to take in foster children and since then we've had a total of 6 different kids in our home. On top of that I have 3 biological siblings and two adopted! We definitely don't always get along.

I will say that I am very blessed to have my closest sibling in age as my best friend. Pretty much we never argue and if we do, it's rarely serious. However.....there are others in the family....that I may not get along with the greatest. This first chapter that we are reading today points us out. We have a serious problem and we'd better get to the bottom of things before it's too late.

I'm going to just really quick talk through the 6 reasons for family conflicts. #1. False Concepts. If we believe that there are problems with everyone else and we are absolutely fine, that is a false concept. Maybe you believe that nothing is ever going to change in your relationship with your siblings. Either way, it's all false and can be overcome. #2. Bitterness. Did a brother or sister do something to you once that you just CANNOT forgive them for? Remember to forgive others as Christ has forgiven you. #3. Higher expectations of our family. We expect our family to just naturally love, accept and care for us. Maybe they do, but they don't have all the time in the world for us. We've gotta accept that. #4. Lower expectations of ourselves. This is so true and it's kinda scary. You know that thing called peer pressure? That's going to get the best of us one day. We are so nice to our friends and those outside of the home but can be nasty and difficult at home. Come on everyone, we gotta buck up and have higher expectations of ourselves at home. #5. Distractions. Let's just start a list.....Computers, cell phones, texting, video games, sports, books, friends, work, etc. Hidden Enemy Influences. This is the biggy! Satan hates a good strong family and he's going to work as hard as he can to rip them apart. Fight that good fight and show the Devil who's in charge (God). Stand up for Jesus!

Jenna:

"From the beginning, Satan has tried to undermine and destroy God's plan. A godly family has much potential for the Lord. The enemy knows this and works very hard to destroy families. He has many lies, snares, and strategies. The world is also working against us. We are surrounded by influences and teachings which do not encourage relationships in the family." Pg. 16

Getting along with a sibling(s) can be a real challenge, can't it? My twin and I get along VERY well and hardly ever misunderstand each other. My 3 little sisters are easy as pie to get along with 1. because they're SO cute! and 2. they're not old enough to talk back...
It is my three "middle" siblings that I need to work on being a best friend to, and it's often a big challenge for me. I find that one of my biggest mistakes, is that I have very high expectations that I want to see from them, and it often just sets them up for failure. Those high expectations frustrate them and a fight starts.

This week I am working on having high expectations for MYSELF, and to encourage others!

Stephen's Definitions:

Brother - A practically perfect person who helps his sisters learn character.

Book - A random selection of words compiled to make a point that some people may not like.

Expectations - An idea that you hope someone will do at a certain time, in a certain place, to a certain person, in order to benefit you in a certain way.
Patience - A character quality which children under five instinctively aim to develop in those around them.
Home - A place where yo ucan say what you think, but no one listens.
Friends - People who usually have the same virtues, the same enemies, or the same faults.
Family Trees - They seem to produce a variety of nuts.

Do you have a problem with getting along with your siblings? How has this chapter encouraged you? We love to hear your thoughts!

In Christ,
~Bethany and Jenna~

The Winner is...

2010-01-22T08:49:00.000-08:00

....Hannah of Marilla Heights!!! Congratulations Hannah! Please email Jenna at femininefarmgirl(at)gmail(dot)com with your address, and the book will be sent to you shortly;D

Thank you all for participating in the giveaway! For anyone that is interested in "Making Brothers and Sisters your Best Friends", go to the Mally's website HERE! The book is on sale right now!!

Thank you Sarah, Stephen and Grace Mally, for writing this encouraging book, and thank you for donating a copy to this giveaway!! We look forward to discussing it!!!

We would love for you to get the book (try the library if you can't buy it) and discuss each chapter with us, starting on February 1.

Blessings!
Bethany and Jenna

Do Hard Things, the Gospel, and You.

2010-01-20T03:43:00.001-08:00

Bethany:

This is the last chapter of Do Hard Things! Hard to believe it's done, it went so quickly! I hope you all were encouraged to do harder things for God, whether they be big or small. I know I was!

In the last chapter Alex describes the beauty and simplicity of one of many people's biggest, hardest and ultimately best decision in life.....accepting Jesus Christ as your Savior. One of the most well known verses in the Bible is;

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.

John 3:16

While there are many more verses regarding the love of God and the death (and resurrection!) of Jesus Christ for our sins, this verse sums it all up beautifully. How I praise God for His love towards me and I thank Him for saving me from the firey pit of hell. If you are not saved by God's dear grace, consider joining us on the most exciting journey of your life! Loving and serving God all our days, can it get much better?

Jenna:

Going through Do Hard Things and discussing it, has been both a challenge and a delight for me!!I was of course, very encouraged to do the hard things, but more specifically the small hard things that tend to go un-noticed. I was convicted of not doing those hard things, yet I purposed to put a lot more effort into them because if I'm faithful in the little, I'll be faithful in much! I've been encouraged to do all for the glory of Jesus, and not for man.

Do Hard Things encouraged me to be a light in the darkness and to enjoy all of the hard things that I do...Easy? No! But a challenge? Yes, and one that I am going to take up!!!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Thank you to everyone who read Do Hard Things with us!! We hope that it encouraged you as much as it did us, and if you are so inclined, we would love to hear your thoughts in the comment section. What encouraged you, inspired you or challenged you?

Also, don't forget to enter the giveaway for Making Brothers and Sisters your Best Friends in the post below. It is the next book that we will be discussing here, and we would love for each of you to join us. Both young and old will be challenged to not just "get along" with siblings, but to ENJOY, LOVE and NURTURE a blessed relationship with them. Of course you have to apply it to your own life, but this will give you a big start:D We look forward to starting it!!!

In Christ,

Bethany and Jenna

Giveaway

2010-01-18T13:59:00.000-08:00

While we are finishing up our Do Hard Things discussion, we will be hosting a giveaway of the next book: Making Brothers and Sisters your Best Friends !!! Sarah, Stephen and Grace Mally (the authors of the book) were VERY kind, and agreed to donate a brand new copy of this wonderful book to whoever wins this giveaway!

:::

Below are the ways that you can enter for 4 entries total!!

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~ Comment on this post

~ Post about the giveaway on your blog and make sure to put a direct link to the post in a comment here!

~ Put a post on Facebook about the giveaway, and make sure to put a direct link to the post in a comment here!

~ If people come from your blog and mention your name, we will add an entry for you:)

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This giveaway will end on Thursday, January 21, 2010 and the winner will be announced on Friday morning. You don't have long to enter and spread the word, so do it quick!!

:::

Have fun!

Josh, Bethany and Jenna

A Thousand Young Hero's!

2010-01-15T06:30:00.000-08:00

This chapter is full of amazing stories of how young teens start wonderful ministries for refugee's, orphans and widows all across america and in other countries as well. The Harris brothers pose a question at the end: "What's your story"?

That is a big question, and as we all ponder and seek out the Lord's will for our ministry, we need to remember that the mission field is right in front of us! It may be right in our family, right in our backyard or neighborhood, or in our own Church family. Don't limit yourself to only going to Africa or China (as wonderful as it sounds). Also, it's not "our" or "my" ministry that we're starting - it's GOD'S ministry that HE is using us to work through!! What an honor to do HIS work!!
I'm praying for the Lord's guidance as I wait for Him to show me exactly which mission location that He wants me to work in. As for now, I am in my parents home and my mission is to be a Christ-like example to my younger siblings (which I'm always working on improving). I also have a big passion for blessing young moms around the area that need an afternoon of help with meals, babysitting, cleaning and much more. What is the Lord's will for my life?? Where does He want me to be? When will He reveal His plans to me?
These are my unknowns, but wherever and whatever I'm doing I am going to be a LIGHT for Jesus Christ and I pray that I bless all the people that I come in contact with. Wherever you are, you have a mission - pray and ask the Lord to show you what it is!

What's YOUR mission? We'd love to hear your thoughts!!!

*A note to all of our readers! We apologize for not posting on our regular schedule this week...we will adjust the schedule accordingly and thank you for understanding! One quick announcement: Our next book will be "Making Brothers and Sisters your Best Friends" by Sarah, Stephen and Grace Mally. Please order it or find it now so that you can be ready to start with us! There will be more announcements in the next week:)*

~Jenna

Generation Rising

2010-01-08T13:48:00.000-08:00

Bethany

"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses it's saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be throw out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead, they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.Matthew 5:13-16"

We are the salt. We are the ones who need to get out into the world and help "preserve" it for God. There's no one thing that we must do, God needs "world changers" everywhere! Whether it be a school, work, or a mission field, God needs you. Use all the techniques we've gone over in this book, collaboration, going out of your comfort zone, doing the hard thing. It's time for us to change the world! Give God the glory!

Jenna

"Has God begun to place a passion inside you to take action on a larger scale - to do hard things that will launch you into the thick of the Christian counterculture we call the Rebelution? If so, you're in a very exciting place. Getting hold of that kind of personal passion for the first time is often one of the primary passages between childhood and adulthood. Think of your holy ambition as a world-sized passion placed under the lordship of Jesus Christ..." Pg. 182

This is a subject that we seem to talk about daily, here in our house. The Lord has blessed us with so much even though we'd be considered "poorer" here in the states. However, we have a full family of friends, and all of our needs our met! We have fresh clean water at our convenience, comfortable warm beds, nice clothes, bibles, books and more. WE ARE BLESSED, and we are also blessed in Jesus Christ. The Lord has given me and my twin a passion for orphans... and during my single years while preparing for getting married (if the Lord wills), I want to be helping these orphans...I want to share my blessing with them both spiritually and physically.

Be thinking about what God has given you and what you can do to bless others, especially those that don't have the comfort and faith that we have. Let's be inspired to bless others. We can do BIG things with Him!

In Christ,
Jenna and Bethany

Taking a Stand

2010-01-06T03:33:00.000-08:00

Jenna~

"When we make decisions to obey God - even when it costs us something - and to live out our faith in our day-to-day life, it will be hard, but it will be good. And it will be good because God loves to bless us when we are faithful to stand for Him." Pg. 154

Sometimes it seems incredibly hard to stand up and walk away from ______ , because that means that you are going against what others think - you have to be set-apart! But friends, being set-apart is a good thing, and we should be seeking to be set-apart for Jesus Christ. When we ask Jesus to come into our hearts, and we BELIEVE in Him, then the "old man" (our fleshly desires) are dead, and we are no longer living by him. We are FREE from sin, free from gossip, free from all that bondage, all because Jesus Christ laid down His life for us!
Don't be afraid to stand up and say to yourself "that is wrong, and I'm not going to do it..." don't be afraid to go against the ways of this world and follow Jesus Christ, our Savior, our Immanuel, our King!

Bethany~

Taking a stand in your circles is not the easiest thing to do. Peer pressure is against you, possibly your social status. Yet God isn't concerned with your social status, He's concerned about you and me and whether or not we will make a stand for Him. There are times when you may have to stand up against something that you know is wrong. I'll admit, it's gotta be about the hardest thing for teens to do. We are so worried about what others think about us (which we totally just have to get over)! We need to stand up and show others the way to Christ.

I love it how the Harris brothers put it:

" Our ultimate goal is not just that those around us would stop joining the world's way but that they would learn to love and embrace God's way. We ca accomplish this by being passionate ambassadors, eager to proclaim the goodness of God and stand for Him before the watching world."

And as rebolutionaries, our stand for what is good and right today will have an even bigger impact than we may realize.

Do you stand up for good, and walk away from evil???
In Christ,
Jenna and Bethany:)

Small Hard Things

2010-01-04T02:38:00.001-08:00

How to do Hard Things That Don't pay of Immediately

Top 5 reasons doing small hard things is so difficult:

#1. They don't usually go away after you do them.

(like dishes, laundry, etc.)

#2. They don't seem very important.

#3. They don't seem to make a difference.

#4.They don't seem very glamorous.

#5. No one is watching.

Top 5 ways we fail to do small hard things:

#1. Procrastination

#2. Inconsistency

#3. Compromise

#4. Begrudging

#5. Cheating

Bethany:

This chapter is one of my personal favorites as it nearly applies directly to me. My personality it more likely to do hard things but set those little things off to the side. I have no problem tackling two hours of chores three times a day, but have a hard getting with keeping my room clean. I think I'm a prime case of not doing small hard things. You'd think....it'd be so easy! This chapter really helped me prioritize and see how important even those little jobs are.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men."

Colossians 3:23

"Whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."

1 Corinthians 10:31

Here's a great paragraph out of the book:

"Rebelutionaries have to think straight about this problem or we'll get ambushed on our way to doing big hard things for God. And what's more, we'll miss out on the genuine significance and hidden benefits of what we like to call "small hard things."

Jenna:

Ah yes, doing those small hard things don't normally appeal to me, or seem glamorous!! I completely understand how it feels to look at the dish pile that NEVER goes away...and, it seems like my little 4 year old sister (who shares my room) always forgets to pick up her clothes and put them away - extra job;)

However, we are reminded in Luke 25:21 that if "You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much."

I was very blessed by the quote below:

"Small hard things are the individual repetitions - like a single push-up. They are seemingly insignificant by themselves but guaranteed to get results over time." Pg. 138

As we go through our daily routines, let's all purpose to enjoy the little hard things, knowing that over time there will be a guaranteed reward/result!!

Josh:

"Small things most often occur behind the closed doors of our homes, schools, or churches. They are rarely new or exciting, and they are often repetitive-even tedious. Small things happen on the level at which we normally live our lives. In fact, in the most basic sense they are our lives- the 'stuff' that makes up everyday living." pg. 135

Like Jenna and Bethany, the small things are typically not glamorous and most times tedious. But, many of the challenges and the hard things that come our way and cause the most character growth, are just the things that happen everyday! Let's embrace the small hard things and do them to the glory of God...

What are 3 small hard things you have a hard time accomplishing?

~Bethany, Josh and Jenna~

The Power of Collaberation

2009-12-29T17:14:00.000-08:00

Ten things The Harris Brothers have Learned about Teams:

1. Start with Questions
2. Walk with the Wise
3. Don't overlook Home Field Advantage
4. Use tehnology to Grow your team
5. Treasure Constructive Criticism
6. Credit is Free if you Give it away
7. Other people are sinners too
8. Expect a nightmare or two
9. Don't give up
10. Success Happens (In more ways than One)

Jenna -

"Family is a God-designed vehicle for collaboration that most teens miss, even though we're right in the midde of it. God intended your parents to be your primary mentors, and unless you're an only child, siblings can be some of your best team members." Pg. 121

Although I'm inspired to do "something big", the opportunity is not in my lap! However, I have a team...there are at least 9 people on it, and that is my family!! My family knows me best - my strengths and weaknesses, and often times they can help me the most too:) Until something big comes along, I have a team to work with. To encourage each other and to prepare together should the Lord see fit to give us a "hard thing" to do!!

Bethany -

The first thing I thought of when I read this chapter was the verse in Ecclesiastes, "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed." Big things are hard to accomplish when you are by yourself, so lower that pride a little and let others help out!

"American popular lore tries to persuade us that our destiny was won only by rugged individuals who stood tall, acted alone, rarely talked, and drank their whiskey straight. We're taught to admire the rebel, the loner, the maverick. But the facts suggest that the achievements of nations - like those of corporations, armies, universities, sports teams, churches and families - depend heavily on people coming together to co-labor: to agree on a common goal and then collaborate to make it happen."

Who's on your team?? Are they there to help you succeed?!

Raising the Bar

2009-12-29T03:56:00.000-08:00

How to do Hard Things that go Beyond What's Expected or Required

Bethany:

Complacency is dangerous. Today, expectations are so low that is easy for us to just procrastinate and not reach for the top, but God has made expectations so high "so that we won't make the mistake of aiming low. He made them unreachable so that we would never have an excuse to stop growing"

Here are a few questions from the book to help identify complacency;

1. What areas of my life do I nt care about that I know I should care aabout?

2. In what areas have i fallen short of God's standards and my own potential?

3. In what areas have I settled for just getting by when I know I could do better if I really tried?

4. In what areas have I decided that things "will always be this way" without ever putting in the kind of effort that really changes things?

Jenna:

It is very easy to fall into the pit and sin of lazyness, and not do our best...we accomplish just enough school to scrap by a test, and everything else that we do is half-hearted and not unto the Lord.

We have the ability to raise the bar and "go above and beyond what our culture expects and take us closer to what God expects:

1) Do what's hard for you
2) Be known for what you do (more than for what you don't)
3) Pursue excellence, not excuses

And one that I added...do ALL things unto the Lord, and please Him! Know that you've done your VERY best without a doubt!!

What is one way you have been compliant on something you shouldn't have been?

God bless,

~Bethany, Jenna and Josh~

That First Scary Step

2009-12-23T14:40:00.000-08:00

How to do hard things that take you outside your comfort zone...

Jenna -

"Everyone likes to feel strong and smart. That means as soon as we start to feel stretched or pushed past our limits, we hit the brakes, slam into reverse, and scoot back to our comfort zones. Who wants to risk feeling weak and stupid?" Pg. 70

By not wanting to do hard things (I know all about that...) we're really saying that:

"We don't want to do things that don't come easily or naturally. We don't want to break through our fears. And by our actions, we're also saying that God isn't good and powerful enough to help us do what we can't comfortably do on our own. And that's a lie the Enemy loves!" Pg. 71

When it comes to doing hard things, two circumstances stand out in my memory.

It occured 2 years ago when I had my Spring Piano Recital. I had my 2 pieces down to perfection, memorized and beautiful...we got to the church and I wasn't even shaking! Wow! I made it through the whole recital (I was 2nd to last) and my name was called...I walked up to the piano (almost tripped) and started playing. All of a sudden I couldn't remember the next chord. It got so bad that I had to turn around and ask my teacher for my music. Boy, it was SO tough and I JUST WANTED the floor to SWALLOW me up! Guess what? It didn't...I was up there with my mind spinning, face as red as a beet and I thought I was going to die. But I did it, and somehow I was still alive! And what a RELIEF to accomplish that even though I made mistakes.

The second hardest thing for me to do, occurred last year. I was in a play. I don't remember how I agreed to it because for those of you that know me, I dislike, to the greatest extent, performing in front of people... I would much rather be in the audience. I toiled in agony for a whole year, trying to memorize, trying to act...it was all in vain. I will be honest and mention that my attitude was not God-honoring which made my accomplishment little when I finally said goodbye to the stage. That was such a trying time in my life...just ask my poor mother who had to hear my complaints for that entire year - I'm so sorry mom:)

I learned from those two experiences, to put my best into every project that I am in and to do everything AS UNTO THE LORD! It will make the ending SO much more joyful and exciting!!

Bethany -

"Fear is the fence that keeps us stuck in our comfort zones. To be fair, we usuallly feel fear for a reason: often something is outside that should make us afraid. The problem is when we just sit there. We wait. And we wait. Why? Well we're waiting to stop feeling afraid before we attempt anything. And - just to be fair - we're often afraid to try something new because of painful past experiences. We tried stepping out before, and it blew up in our faces. We poured everything we had into something we cared about and our efforts fell short. We don't want to embarrass ourselves again.

The truth is, though, is that it's going to be a long wait. If we're waiting until the fear and feelings of inadequacy go away, we'll never venture outside our comfort zones. Until we take a step in spite of our fears, none of us will ever truly be able to do hard things." (pg.74-75)

Fear is a dreadful weight. It ties you down and gives you little freedom. A year ago I was a shy, homeschooled, sheltered, 15 year old sophomore given a task. With 14 days in advance, I was told to prepare a speech to give in front of judges. It had to be a memorized speech, so it wasn't like I could just go up there and start talking. On top of all that, it was the first speech I'd ever given in my life (outside of speeches given at home) so I wasn't exactly sure how it was all going to play out. I was scared. But I ignored the fear and got up there and gave my 8 minutes speech. Ever since then, I have loved getting up in front of judges and speaking. What an amazing discovery that I wouldn't have found if I hadn't faced my fear.

While you may be faced with fear that may be more than getting up in front of judges and speaking, you still have to face it. Get outta that comfort zone and DO HARD THINGS!

What are two HARD things that you faced and accomplished in your life?? PLEASE SHARE!!!

A Better Way

2009-12-21T03:55:00.001-08:00

Reclaiming the teen years as the launching pad of life

Bethany -

So the teen years are looked at as the crazy partying years of a person's life. People have accepted this as the norm and there is even a name for them.....Kidults. "Legally, they're adults, but they're on the threshold, the doorway to adulthood and they're not going through it." I've seen this often, and it's terribly sad. Where is the maturity, the strength, the adulthood? Is our future generation going to even know these characteristics? They will with our help! It's all a myth! Teens CAN do hard things! Let's show them we can do it!

Jenna -

The teen years are given to me as a time to prepare for when I am an adult. I am still under my parents authority and guidance, and constantly learning things from them as they share their wisdom! Instead of partying through high school, I know that I need to be preparing for the work that God has called me too...how do I know what God has called me to??? I PRAY! I seek the Lord and ask HIM:) In His perfect timing, He will reveal to me what I am to be doing.

I'm asking myself the hard questions:

- Is how I'm spending my time right now preparing me for what I hope to become in the future?

- Am I doing things now that will equip me for the greater things that God may have me do?

Have you heard of the saying: "What you do when you're young is what you'll do when you're old"? In other words, I need to be preparing myself to do what the Lord asks of me, I need to give myself to His will.

I encourage you to ask yourself those hard questions too! Are you doing things now that will equip you to do the great things that God may have you do???!

Josh -

"After all, kidults are the logical result of the Myth of Adolescence, which encourages teens to view adulthood as spoiling the fun of the teen years rather than viewing it as the fulfilment of the teen years."(51)

Lets change that!

Let's be young people who "are rebelling against low expectations by choosing to get every possible benefit out of their teen years in creative, responsible, and highly efficient ways."(60)

I challenge you to tell us how you are doing hard things. How are you choosing to reap every possible benefit out of the teen years?

Real quick, let's take a peek at what we'll be talking about Wednesday:

5 Kinds of Hard

1).Things that are outside your comfort zone
2) Things that go beyond what is expected or required
3) Things that are too big to accomplish alone
4) Things that don't earn an immediate payoff
5) Things that challenge the cultural norm

What is a way that you can prepare yourself for the future?

In Christ,
~Bethany, Jenna, Josh~

The Myth of Adolesence

2009-12-19T06:44:00.000-08:00

Bethany -

How old is the term 'teenager'? Not very old at all....just barely 70 years old. Before that, children grew into adults. There was no in-between age. Girls grew into women, boys into men. By the age of 15, they were considered adults. The expectations were much higher than they are today.
So, expectations of teens today are very low. Teens aren't exactly like taking charge of a ship or school anymore. David and Clara may have changed history, but they were really just average people who expected much out of themselves. They got results.

Now it's time for us to raise the expectation bar a little. It's our turn to have some high expectations for ourselves!!

Josh and Jenna -

We found this chapter full of encouragement to gut out the HARD things, but what do we comment on? We would love to have each of you share one hard thing that you're doing right now, or have done in the past...

Hard things can be working on a character quality, conquering something that you hate doing (like making phone calls lol) or making a decision that may not be your preference.

One hard thing that I (Jenna) am working on right now is not being bossy. I've got that "oldest sister syndrome" and it is not an easy thing to overcome, trust me! However, I don't want people to know me as "the boss", and so I pray that God will help me not be bossy...you'll have to ask my siblings if I'm making progress?.

Whether you're reading the book with us or not, please comment sharing a hard thing that you've done!

The Birth of a Big Idea!

2009-12-16T06:28:00.000-08:00

Bethany -

The Rebelution - made up by two 16 year old twins "combining the words rebellion and revolution to form an entirely new word for an entirely new concept: rebelling against rebellion. More precisely, we define rebelution as 'a teenage rebellion against low expectations.'

"While this chapter talks primarily about how The Rebelution was begun, it has a few very important things to note. #1. The Rebelution is made up of teens just like you and me....very normal teens. Maybe we don't get all A's in school or maybe we don't typically tend to do anything hard just because. Well guess what, this book is DEFINITELY for you! These may be some of the things addressed in this book. #2. In this chapter, the Harris brothers tell us about a few different thing done but some of the rebelutionaries. Tough stuff, but they did it.

Now can we say that teens can't do hard things? I think not. I'll join Alex and Brett in saying:

(This) is our invitation to you - to join with us and other teenagers who are serious about changing the world's ideas about the teen years. In the upcoming chapters, we'll show you how.

Jenna -

Doing the "hard thing" isn't easy - at least I don't think that it is! I could list a whole bunch of "hard things" that I've done, or attempted to do, but since I wasn't putting my best foot forward I failed. In this chapter, I was reminded of how rewarding it is when I actually do something hard, applying all of my effort to it and even if my success isn't *amazing*, I have the satisfaction of trying my best instead of not at all.

In general, we as "teenagers" are often thought of as lazy, trouble makers, or constantly "testing our limits" and in general, not trustworthy etc. That is not what I want to be known for! I want to be a teenager who loves the Lord, is trustworthy, who has a hard work ethic, and does all with my best effort and for the glory of the Lord:)

What is your goal as a teenager? Are you going to help raise the "bar"/standard?

Josh -

The Rebelution is made by combining Rebellion and Revolution to make an entirely new word for an entirely new concept: Rebelling against rebellion. More precisely, we define rebelution as "a teenage rebellion against low expectations."

As I said in my last post here, teenagers are surrounded by low expectations, and when the there is no standard they fail to rise past the low expectations set by the culture. The Harris brothers are out to change that! And we as young christian teens with a vision to change the world can join them! Lets start a Rebelution!

Blessings,

Josh, Jenna, and Bethany

Most People Don't......

2009-12-14T03:20:00.001-08:00

A Different Kind of Teen Book

Bethany:

Wooohooo! The beginning of a new book........and hopefully, a new life! Do Hard Things. Don't get scared away by this title, 'cause this is going to be a most exciting ride. When I first read this book, I was like "this is exactly what I've been trying to say all along! Teens have no goal in life and for 7 years of their lives they are shaping themselves into lazy, worthless bums with no goal in life." Sounds mean? It's the truth. I've seen it all over.

Alex and Brett have now stood up against it and is telling you all to join the club so we can follow the "better way - a way to reach higher, dream bigger, grow stronger, love and honor God, live with more joy - and quite wasting our lives. (pg. 8) So hop aboard, there's plenty of room. This is going to be an amazing journey............

Jenna:

I sat down yesterday, to read the first chapter of Do Hard Things, since I've never read the book before. When I finally looked up from the book, I realized that I was at least half way through:) I couldn't stop reading. This book is wonderful, and when I set it down, I truly felt pushed to do something hard, and take a challenge and stand for something...all of last night I was pondering what I should do, but then I realized that I should really pray about it, because God already has something in mind for me!

My goal in life is not to skate by on the bare minimum, but instead, to "rediscover the better way - a way to reach higher, dream bigger, grow stronger, love and honor God, live with more joy - and quit wasting (my) life." pg. 8 This book has already got me excited to "Do Hard Things" for Christ!! I want to be a different kind of "teen" and I want to use my single years to serve the Lord and not waste them.

Josh:
With great enthusiasm I can say "We started Do Hard Things!"

Today's society has developed a stereotypical teenager. The expectations for these teenagers are low at best. People view teenagers as lazy, self pleasing kids. And when that's what the bar has been set at, most teens see no motivation to be better than what people expect of them. When going through the book, we will see and be inspired to do hard things and live changed, productive lives for the Lord and not merely default to the expectation of the "average teen".

Let's Do Hard Things!

Alright, let's hear your thoughts!

~Bethany, Josh and Jenna~

Announcing...

2009-12-09T02:43:00.000-08:00

Do Hard Things

by Alex and Brett Harris!

On December 14, we will start reading and discussing Do Hard Things, every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. You are more than welcome to read and discuss each chapter with us! We would love for you to participate, so get the book soon from either your library or book store!! If you decide to do this study with us, please let us know in a comment:) Also, we would love to get the word out about this blog and study. Would you consider posting about it on your blog?

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Below is the book description:

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Written when they were 18 years old, Do Hard Things is the Harris twins' revolutionary message in its purest and most compelling form, giving readers a tangible glimpse of what is possible for teens who actively resist cultural lies that limit their potential.

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Combating the idea of adolescence as a vacation from responsibility, the authors weave together biblical insights, history, and modern examples to redefine the teen years as the launching pad of life and map a clear trajectory for long-term fulfillment and eternal impact.

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Written by teens for teens, Do Hard Things is packed with humorous personal anecdotes, practical examples, and stories of real-life rebelutionaries in action. This rallying cry from the heart of revolution already in progress challenges the next generation to lay claim to a brighter future, starting today.

:::

We look forward to reading DHT, and hope that you will join us as we learn, encourage and challenge one another~

In Christ,

Jenna, Bethany and Josh

p.s. The reading schedule is on the side bar!

Someday I'll have a Story to Tell...

2009-12-04T03:26:00.000-08:00

Bethany -

When I was just a little girl, playing with my dolls, my life's dream was to find Prince Charming who would sweep me off my feet and we would enter a wonderful married life and have a bunch of beautiful babies. The future looked like a fairy tale.

As teens or young adults, we want life to hurry up so we can figure out what's on the next page of life. We don't feel like slowing down and enjoying everyday life. We want love, we want life. We believe that romance will give that to us, so we use dating. This usually backfires and dating hurts us. Then we are left wondering...."what are we supposed to do now?"

In this whole chapter, we have learned to draw close to God in our single years. We have seen how a relationship focused on God will make a couple strong in each other and Him. I hope to have a story of my own someday. I want a story that is God fearing, pure, loving and selfless. I want my story to bring back good memories, tears of joy and not of remorse. Yet, like Josh Harris says, "It's your choice."

Josh -

We are all writing stories. The story of our life. How will it turn out? Will we look back and smile at our journey of purity, patience, and trust in the Lord or will we look back with regret as we recall the haste, the uncontrolled passion and the compromise? It is a choice. That's right! A choice. What will you choose?

As christian young people, we all strive for God-honoring life stories that will include our love story as well. I just encourage you to prepare yourself for the years ahead; When you make up your mind about something, (ie. Purity) stick with it. When you meet opposition (it's inevitable) Don't cave in or compromise.

"What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?." Romans 8:30

I encourage you to stand strong and write a life(love) story that you would be proud to tell.
Thank you very much for joining us in this book. I pray God blessed you through our study and I look forward to the next!
God Bless.

Jenna -

Shouldn't it be every young persons dream, to have a pure and God glorifying love story? This entire book has been an encouragement and blessing to me as I strive to keep my standards high, and purity complete. It has reminded me that God is in entire control and has the key to every story...it's a relief, just knowing that God can work every detail out for our good and His glory.

As we go day to day living our lives for Jesus (and always learning!), let's remember to keep our standards HIGH, to stand strong and boldly for Jesus Christ, and to wait for "the one" that God has created us for...let's be an encouragement to each other as we're all on the journey of purity and faithfulness.

One of the most encouraging things that I came away with from this book, was to treat our brothers and sisters in Christ with RESPECT, and in all purity, encouraging one another in HIS word. I believe it was chapter 7 "Just Friends in a Just Do it World".

"Do not lay hands on anyone hastily, nor share in other people's sins; keep yourself pure." 1 Timothy 5:22

What was one or two things that you were blessed by from this book?

Thank you for joining us in reading "I Kissed Dating Goodbye". We certainly hope that you will go through Do Hard Things with us too, starting December 14th. We would love for more people to read it with us and discuss each chapter, so please spread the word!!

Principled Romance

2009-12-03T02:19:00.000-08:00

Bethany -

Romance is not something to play around with. While it may make you feel good physically and mentally it can't be played around with. It's tough stuff, hard work. Married life isn't always a bed of roses, it's laundry, working long days, dealing with emotions, etc. "Dating" isn't much different. Keeping a principle romance will help keep you on track and focused on God. No one romantic relationship is the same, and the Holy Spirit will help guide us in the right direction.

"But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives," the Bible tells us, "he will produce theis kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, indness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control" (Galatians 5:22-23). When the Holy Spirit guides our journey toward marriage, our relationships will the exhibit the same qualities."

Keep your relationships "God-fearing".

Jenna-

I have never been in a romantic relationship before, but when I am, I hope and pray that it is centered around Jesus Christ. How can we keep a relationship focused on Christ? By praying together and for each other, searching the word of God together and discuss/encourage one-another in Christ, and treat each other in respect with all purity, amongst other activities. I think the key is seeking God's will for the relationship.

I'll be honest with you, I didn't really know what to write about for this chapter. Can you help me out? What are your thoughts??

Josh- COMING SOON!

What Matters at Fifty?

2009-11-30T03:54:00.000-08:00

Character Qualities and Attitudes that Matter Most in a Life Partner

Bethany -

Youthful beauty lasts only a short while. The strength of a young man fades with age. Yet the strength and beauty drawn from the wellspring of God's life will last a lifetime. Therefore, we should be looking for strength and beauty coming from the heart. Look at character, look for things that last. This is true beauty.

Then when looking for qualities in a future spouse, try asking yourself......'How will they look at 50?'

Jenna -

There was so much encouragement in this chapter, I don't even know where to begin. However, I was most encouraged about TRUE beauty. Beauty on the outside is pretty, but means nothing - it is the inward beauty that I as a young lady, need to focus on and cultivate a heart of compassion and love for others. I think that the quote below goes for guy's as well...when my future husband is 50, I want to be even more in love with his heart than I am at 25 or 30. What truly matters at fifty? For me it is that my husband's heart is ever drawing closer to Jesus Christ, that he is still the strong, spiritual leader in our home....and that he loves my wrinkles, right?!

"One of these days, and this is the moment for which I'm hoping and praying, I'm going to meet a girl, and when I imagine her at fifty she'll be even more beautiful than she is today. They years won't detract; they'll only sharpen and mature her. Because with a woman who fears God, whose inner strength draws from the wellspring of His life, time can only add to her true beauty."

Josh -

Many times we get caught up in the moment and we look at the outward appearance, but do we even think about the future? Do we look for things that last? What is truly important?

"Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised." Proverbs 31:30

"We're too easily impressed by image; God wants us to value qualities that will last. Wisely choosing a marriage partner requires that we get back to the persons essentials of a person's character and attitude." pg. 176

What about you? What is going to matter to you at fifty?

God's blessings to you all,
Bethany, Josh and Jenna

***Go to the top right side bar to see the new book that we're going to go through on Beyond The Cover. We're almost finished with IKDG and will be starting with the next book shortly after that!!***

***Also, please take a moment to vote on the polls on our side bar. We need to hear from you!***

Ready for the Sack but Not for the Sacrifice

2009-11-28T08:45:00.000-08:00

How to Have a Biblical and Realistic Vision of Marriage

Josh-

Many times we get caught up in the moment and we look at the outward appearance, but do we even think about the future? Do we look for things that last? What is truly important?

"Charm is decitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised." Proverbs 31:30

"We're too easily impressed by image; God wants us to value qualities that will last. Wisely choosing a marriage partner requires that we get back to the persons essentials of a person's character and attitude." pg. 176

Jenna-

In this chapter, I was blessed especially by the quote below; encouraging us to cultivate qualities and disciplines for marriage. To be very honest with you, I day dream about the day that I'm married...making dinner for my husband, keeping the house clean for him, and serving him at his side. But am I cultivating qualities and disciplines for when I am married, or am I wasting my preparation time dreaming??

"In our daydreams about marriage, we too often forget what a drastic course of action marriage really is. We read the captivating headlines but neglect to read the exacting fine print. What does the fine print say? That good marriages require work, patience, self-disciplines, sacrifice, and submission. That successful marriages take "guts and maturity" and, we should add, a biblical undedrstanding of God's purpose and plan for it. Only when we cultivate these qualities and disciplines can we carry out our responsibilities and experience true joy and fulfillment in marriage." Pg. 172

You and I can work on patience, self-discipline, sacrifice and submission right now, if we're married or not. Are you ready to work at it?!

Bethany-

Marriage is a big word. It is not an act to be taken lightly. Sure, we all love weddings that are beautiful and romantic, but really, what is marriage? It is a sanctified union between a man and woman that should never end unless in case of death.
Noting this, it doesn't sound like we should exactly take it lightly. In our single years, we should be preparing ourselves for marriage so that we will be prepared to take on the real life of such a union.
How about you? Do you find yourself concentrating on one aspect of marriage to the exclusion of all others? Or can you maintain the big picture and prepare yourself for all that marriage will be??

In Christ,
Josh, Bethany and Jenna

***Go to the top right side bar to see the new book that we're going to go through on Beyond The Cover. We're almost finished with IKDG and will be starting with the next book shortly after that!!***

***Also, please take a moment to vote on the polls on our side bar. We need to hear from you!***

Redeeming the Time...

2009-11-25T04:19:00.000-08:00

~Making the most of your Singleness~

Bethany -

So we don't date.....and we get to be 18,19,20, etc. What are we supposed to do, sit around doing nothing till that "special someone" comes into your life? NO WAY! We have a huge responsibility to help other and opportunity to serve God and learn so as to be prepared for the future.

Mr. Harris gave a list of things that we can currently work on in our single life:

1. Practice intimacy (build family/friend relationships)

2. Practice seeking God with others

3. Practice financial responsibility.

4. Practice parenthood (on siblings or other little ones around you!)

5. Practice practical life skills (shopping, cooking, laundry, etc.)

"When we focus on "redeeming the time," we'll not only make the most of each moment, we'll also prepare ourselves for the next season of our lives. Our faithfulness in small things today earns us the right to handle bigger responsibilities down the road."

Jenna -

"We cannot ignore our current responsibilities and expect to magically gain the strength of character and virtue that will make us good husbands and wives. If we aren't faithful and growing in the relationships we have now, we won't be prepared to pursue faithfulness and growth in marriage later." Pg. 157

Things don't happen magically...even if we want them too. Like Mr. Josh Harris said, we need to practice our skills and train for the future! For me, I can train for a future relationship by honoring my dad, serving my brothers, helping my mom with life skills, and interacting/teaching my sisters...

Are you fulfilling the responsibilities that God gave you right now?

Josh -

" Marriage won't transform us into new people, it will only act as a mirror, showing what we already are. We have to practice now what we want to be in the future." pg. 158

Well many of us are impatient to find a spouse, and waste time pining away or wondering: "Where is that person God?", there are many things that we can do redeem the time and prepare for the day that God will bring the two together.

Problems and bad habits do not disappear over night, and likewise, neither do good habits and positive character traits spring up over night. We can (and should) spend our single years preparing for marriage.

What are you doing to redeem the time and prepare for marriage?

Bethany, Jenna and Josh

Guard Your Heart

2009-11-23T16:32:00.000-08:00

Jenna -

"You and I are the Keepers of Our Hearts. We need to constantly evaluate the purity of our hearts in prayer, asking God to reveal the little things that contaminate us. As God reveals our wrong attitudes, longings, and desires, we must remove them from our hearts." Pg 143

The little things that contaminate me may be so small that I don't realize or admit them. I am so thankful that by asking God, He lovingly points my weaknesses out to me, and by HIS grace I remove them. This goes for more than romantic relationships...it can be applied to anything in my life and yours!

Josh -

" God is righteously jealous for our hearts; After all, He created us and redeemed us. He wants us to focus our thoughts, longings, and desires on him. He lovingly blessed us with human relationships, but He first calls us to find our heart's delight in Him." pg.144

God should be our first love. If we are distracted from God through the influence of things such as dating, relationships and other fleshly desires, something needs to change. These "pollutants" should go! They should be eliminated from our hearts so we can find total focus on God.

Bethany -

"The job of guarding our hearts is a big responsibility. It takes place in the secret places of devotion. In honest prayer and meditation in god's Word, we scrape the film of infatuation, lust and self-pity for our hearts. ....the work is never done."

It can be easy to be like Jessica and get sucked into the desire to have a boyfriend/girlfriend because of peer pressure, personal desires or maybe because you've "fallen in love". We can't let ourselves go that easily, we need to focus on God. He is the one who has promised to never leave you nor forsake you and will stick closer than a brother....and He never breaks His promises...unlike many "romantic relationships". Keep close to Him that truly loves you.

Please share your thoughts! Your comments mean the world to us. :)

~Bethany, Josh and Jenna~

Just Friends In a Just-Do-It World

2009-11-20T10:34:00.000-08:00

Bethany-

Friendships. It can be hard to keep them pure without any hint of any romance included. They can be such a blessing though, so work on those friendships. I have several non-romantic relationships that you could call girl/guy friendships with me being the "girl" party. They are all such a blessing to me.

"Being just friends with members of the opposite sex doesn't happen by accident. We have to fight for a guard our friendships. Like magnets, men and women are designed to attract each other, But until we're ready to be "stuck for life", we need to avoid premature intimacy. How do we do that? By respecting the limitations of guy-girl friendships and relating to other within the framework given by God's Word." Pg. 132

Jenna-

"God wants us to neither run from each other [the opposite gender] nor use each other in an indulgent pursuit of short term romance. He's calling us to be firmly committed to biblical friendships. In brother-sister relationships, men and women spur each other on to godliness - they stand against wickedness together, they seek God together, they honor one another and grow in grace side by side." Pg 131

"What's our relationship to each other? We're brothers and sisters in Christ. How do we treat each other? With honor. And what's the secret to our zeal? Service - side by side for God's glory. Guided by this attitude, being "just friends" can be just plain awesome." Pg. 136

Being just friends is plain awesome...this chapter helped me remember how important it is to have "just friends" and what a blessing we can be to each other, encouraging one another in the Word of God, our daily walks, and maintaining our purity! Now I am asking myself if I treat my brothers in Christ with honor? Am I serving side by side for GOD'S glory? And am I encouraging my friends?? I feel like I have alot to work on in the "just friends" relationships. I often let my brother do the talking to the "guy friends" and I just listen:) But this chapter reminds me that it's okay to talk with brothers in Christ and to encourage and honor them and serve along with them, because we are Just Friends learning and striving to walk on the Straight and Narrow Path.

Josh-

" I do believe that guys and girls can have life-enriching, non-romantic relationships. In fact, it's important that we do." pg. 128

" Brothers and sisters look out for each other. They comfort each other. They find ways to serve each other. And at times they have to gently challenge and rebuke each other in love. It's all part of genuine care." pg. 130

I completely agree that guys and girls can have very uplifting and encouraging relationships without being romantic. Only, I think it's important that we really understand the second quote, and love the opposite sex like brothers and sisters in Christ. Without a proper understanding of pure, Christ-like love for the opposite sex, it can be dangerous and a great opportunity to stumble.

In Christ Alone,
Josh, Jenna, and Bethany

Starting With a Clean Slate

2009-11-18T03:50:00.000-08:00

Jenna~
Building a Godly Lifestyle isn't as easy as it sounds...
Here are the 5 steps that Josh Harris suggests to buiding a Godly Lifestyle:

1. Start With a Clean Slate
2. Make Your Parents Your Teammates
3. Estabish Clear Guidelines
4. Check to See Who's Whispering In Your Ear (Influences, who and what you listen to/watch etc.)
5. Season Your Conviction With Humility

Of course, none of the above can truly transform to your life until you ask Jesus to help you. Only HE can wipe our slates clean. Talk with your parents, be honest and open with them...they have much wisdom to share with us! Make sure that your guidlines are very clear, and hold on to your convictions!! Be careful who your friends are and how they influence you, what you listen to, watch and meditate on...this helps form your convictions. You want them to be strong and focused on God. Last but not least, make sure that you're not proud of your convictions, but humble!

A relationship that is focused on Jesus Christ is one that will prosper.

"When the time comes to share why you don't date, what should you say? Whatever words you use, remember that the goal of your communication is not winning a debate or convincing your hearers of your view. If your friends agree, great! But your main goal is to humbly communicate what you feel God has shown you, to encourage your friends, and to contribute to their growth."

"Be humble and honest about how you're trying to be obedient. If you maintain this humble spirit, you'll often find your listener wiling to share his or her own struggles and questions." Pg. 119

It seems like I get the question more and more often - "Do you have a boyfriend" or "Why don't you date?". The quote above helps me to share my thoughts humbly and honestly...it's not always easy to communicate that you want to save your whole self for your future husband/wife. Somebody asked my brother Josh last week if he wasn't going to get married because he wasn't dating? Their mindset was that you have to date in order to know someone and then possibly get married. Josh tried to explain a little, and then he let the subject slide...he wasn't trying to win and argument, but instead humbly explain what the Lord has taught him~

Bethany~

I think there is a really good point that Mr. Harris makes in this chapter. When you are breaking up an ungodly relationship, don't forget to apologize. This is so important, and will set a wonderful example to individual in the relationship and to others around you.

"Whether you're haven't to break up to refocus a relationship, approach the other person humbly, stressing your desire to please God. If you've wronged that person, confess your guilt and ask for forgiveness. Don't rationalize or make excuses. Just apologize." Pg. 114

Josh~

As far as starting with a clean slate, I really appreciated the story of Emily and how she wasn't actually convicted of her sin, but rather, didn't like the consequences of losing her virginity, or having guys break up with her. It is important to be truly sorry and broken over something you've done, come to the foot of the cross and ask Jesus to forgive you and make you clean. If you only wish you didn't have the consequences that come from bad desisions, you will never truly change, but instead, resort to old habits...

"Worldly sorrow is self-centered and leads to shame, but not to change. Godly sorrow recognizes sin as an offense against God, turns to Christ for forgiveness, and leads to a transformed life. This is what it means to truly 'clean the slate' and start afresh." Pg. 113

"A Cleansed Past: The Room. How Jesus can Redeem your Past."

2009-11-16T06:07:00.000-08:00

Today we just copied the whole chapter since it was quite short and has some wonderful stuff in it. :)

"In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room. There were no distinguishing features save for the one wall covered with small index-card files. They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order. But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endlessly in either direction, had very different headings. As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read "Girls I Have Liked." I opened itr and began flipping through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their contents. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching. A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I Have Betrayed." The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird: "Books I Have Read," "Lies I have Told," "Comfort I Have Given,'' "Jokes I Have Laughted At." Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've Yelled at My Brothers." Others I couldn't laugh at: "THings I Have Done in Anger," "Things I Have Muttered under My Breath at My Parents." I never ceased to be suprised by the contents. Often there were many more cards than I expected. Sometimes there were fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived. Could it be possible that I had the time in my twenty years to write each of these thousands, possibly millions, of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature. When I pulled out the file marked "Songs I Have Listened To," I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of music, but more by the vast amount of time I knew that file represented. When I cam to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed contents. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. Suddenly I felt an almost animal rage. One thought dominated my mind: "No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In an insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards. But as I took the file at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, slef-pitying sigh. And then I saw it. The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel With." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand. And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that the hurt in my my stomach shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out in shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. No, please, not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus.
I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes. Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands, and began to cry again. HE walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me. Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. "No!" I shouted, rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him. His name shouldn't be on those cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back. He smiled a sad smile and continued to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished." I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written." Pg. 104-106 By Josh Harris.

"Here is what's important to understand" It is only by repenting of our sins and putting our faith in Christ that this substitution can take place. We each have a "room" containing all our sinful deeds and thoughts. But just because we admit this or feel bad about it doesn't mean we're forgiven. Remorse can't save anyone. Only faith in Christ can. Only trust in His death and resurrection for us." Is Jesus name on your cards? God has promised to remember your sins no more (Hebrews 8:12), so move one! " A lifetime of Purity awaits you!"

God's blessings,
~Bethany, Josh and Jenna~

The Direction Of Purity

2009-11-13T03:16:00.000-08:00

This chapter is completely full of thoughts about the subject of purity. And while I was reading it I was thinking to myself: "How on earth am I supposed to choose just one quote?". There is so much in here! This morning Bethany suggested, because it's very explanatory, that we all just pull out some quotes that spoke to us....

Josh~

"True purity, however, is a direction, a persistent, determined pursuit of righteousness. This direction starts in the heart, and we express it in a lifestyle that flees opportunities for compromise." pg. 88

So many people say: "Oh, yeah, I'm a virgin." but really what they mean is: " I just haven't went all the way and had sex ". Purity is often relative. But, the quote above sums up true purity. (sorry, I just wanted to comment on that quote quickly!)

Bethany~
"One of the best ways to maintain a pure life is to watch out for the purity of others. What can you do to protect your brothers and sisters in the Lord form Impurity? What can you say to encourage them to keep their hearts set in the direction of righteousness?"p97

"If we truly seek to live pure lives, we can't allow ourselves to detour from the pursuit of righteousness for even a second." p.88

"If we truly want to pursue purity, then we need to point ourselves in God's direction. We cannot simultaneously explore the boundaries of purity and purse pursue righteousness-they point us in opposite directions. True purity flees as fast and as far as it can from sin and compromise."p.91

"If we desire purity, we have to fight for it. This means adjusting our attitudes and changing our lifestyles." p.92

"We can only attain righteousness by doing two things - destroying sin in its' embryonic stage and fleeing temptation." p.93

Jenna~
" If we want to lead pure lives, then we must realize that purity does not happen by accident. Rather, we must constantly pursue the direction of purity." pg. 91

"Respect for the institution of marriage should motivate us to protect it from violation while we're single." pg.94
As a side note: We should be protecting ourselves both physically and emotionally.

"Purity requires obedience to God. But this obedience is not burdensome or over bearing. We have only to consider the alternatives to impurity to see the beauty of walking in God's will." pg.100

" Do you see the beauty and power and protection of purity? Do you want all this? Are you ready to deny yourself the pleasures of the moment to live a pure, God focused life?" pg. 101

Remember to respect the deep significance of physical intimacy, to set your standards too high, and to make the purity of others a priority.

Would you like to share a quote(s) that spoke to you? Leave them in a comment

Blessings to you all,
Josh, Jenna and Bethany

I Kissed Dating Goodbye; The Right Thing at the Wrong Time is the Wrong Thing

2009-11-11T03:25:00.000-08:00

Bethany~

So has Joshua Harris been saying that Dating is wrong? I don't think so. Not if it is a committed, true love based relationship....and if it comes at the right time. Today, dating begins way too early in life. When my then 5 year old foster brother came home on the first day of school, one of the first things he says...."I've got a girlfriend". Kindergarten, and they are already using that term. Sure, at that age they aren't really "dating", but it makes them begin to think about it and prepares them for "the real thing" later on. The paragraph I am quoting, (I thought), was very thought provoking.

"Our "do it all now" mentality has tremendously affected the timing of today's dating relationships. Kids involve themselves in dating and even sexual relationships at an increasingly young age. As young people rusy prematurely into these adults activities, most of their elders to little to correct them. After all, what can adults say when they live by the same "grab it all now" attitude?"

Jenna~

The last 2 paragraphs in this chapter really stuck out to me today.

"Do you believe that God knows best? Then place your life's calendar at His feet and allow Him to handle the scheduling of your relationships. Trust Him even if it means not dating when other people think you should. When God knows you're ready for the responsibility of commitment, He'll reveal the right person under the right circumstances.
"For I know the plans I have for you," God says, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11"
Let's live our today's for His kingdom and entrust our tomorrows to His providence.
We couldn't lay our futures in better hands. All we have to do is trust."

Yes, I believe that God knows best and I also believe that HE has my life all planned out for me in a most wonderful way that I could never imagine...trusting HIM with timing is hard, but HIS plan is perfect and the best way for us. Imagine for a moment that you were impatient and rushed a relationship that wasn't God's will for you...how awful. Let's all trust God and His plan! Let's remember to live today for His kingdom and leave the tomorrows to Him!!

Josh,

"God has a perfect plan for your life. More than likely, that plan includes marriage, if so, somewhere in this world God has the perfect plan for you. You may or may not know this person right now. If you spend all your time and energy trying to hunt this person down or (if you have already found this person) trying to contain him or her until you can marry, you might actually do that person a disservice." Pg. 79

It is true! God HAS a plan for all of our lives. We need to trust that He will, in His timing, reveal it to us. Also, if we spend all our time dreaming about Prince Charming(girls) or our Princess(guys), first, are we trusting God to bring things together, or are we discontent with where God has us at the moment? Second, When we fill our head with longings for a future lover, we become sidetracked from serving God and trusting in Him to guide us.

What were you blessed by out of this chapter?

I Kissed Dating Goodbye; Looking up "Love" in God's Dictionary

2009-11-09T05:53:00.000-08:00

Looking up "Love" in God's Dictionary

The world's definition of love:

Love is primarily for the fulfillment and comfort of self........and is primarily a feeling.

God's definition of love:

Love is not for the fulfillment of self, but for the good of others and the glory of God......and true love is not measured or governed by feeling.

Bethany-

In the beginning of this chapter, we see two very different couples, Jeff & Gloria and Eric and Leslie. They exhibit two very different kinds of "love", one selfish and sensual, the other committed, sincere, selfless and responsible. Today's society is telling us that 'love' is sexual, but how many couples do we see breaking up constantly? I personally have always admired the approach Leslie and Eric took. I personally know a couple who did something similar, a "hands-off courtship". I was only 10 at their wedding, but I can still feel the joy when they clasped hands for the first time. Every time I've seen them since.....they are still holding hands and are still deeply in love. They are committed, sincere, selfless and responsible. I quote the closing statement of this chapter....

"If dating causes us to practice selfish, feeling-governed love, that's contrary to God's love, we must kiss dating goodbye. We must stop trying to fit God's ideas into what the lifestyles society has defined for us and allow His values and attitudes to redefine the way we live."

Jenna-
"The love we practice in dating not only shows the world Christ's love; it also prepares us for our future relationships. As we relate to others today, we form patterns that we'll take with us into our marriages. For this reason, we must practice not only sincere love but also commitment-based love." Pg 71

I was encouraged to set my commitment of Purity and Love to a high level. Not to be legalistic, but because it's from my heart. I don't want to walk into marriage with a bag of trash on my back, filled with all kinds of bad dating habits, and bad choices. Instead, I seek to glorify God with my future marriage relationship and keep myself pure for then. Can you imagine how much easier that would be, and the amount of trust that you could build if you don't have the bag of trash?! We must practice Sincere love and also Commitment based Love.

Josh-
"In the same way, as Christians, we model God's love, whether or not we realize it. People watch us, and what they see affects God's reputation for loving His creation. If we claim to follow Christ then wear the worlds twisted style of love, we drag the name and character of our Lord in the dirt.
For this reason, we must ask ourselves, "Am I modeling the Love of Christ? Do my motivations and actions in this relationship reflect the perfect love God has shown me?" How would you answer those questions right now?"
Pg. 66

I totally agree with this. If we call ourselves Christians, people begin to asess our actions and life as a picture to describe a Christian. If we call ourselves Christians, but act in the same way of the world, people see no difference in us and we have no testimony for the Lord.

Please share your thoughts!

In Christ,
~Bethany, Josh and Jenna~

I Kissed Dating Goodbye; The Seven Habits of Highly Defective Dating

2009-11-06T03:13:00.000-08:00

Today we will be discussing The Seven Habits of Highly Defective Dating.

#1. Dating leads to intimacy but not necessarily commitment.

"Intimacy without commitment awakens desires-emotional and physical...(and) is like icing without cake, can be sweet, but it ends up making us sick."

2. Dating tends to skip the "friendship" stage of a relationship.

"Intimacy without commitment is defrauding. Intimacy without friendship is superficial. A relationship based only on physical attraction and romantic feelings will last only as long as the feelings last."

3. Dating often isolates a couple from other vital relationships.

"By it's very definition, dating is about two people focusing on each other. Unfortunately, in most cases the rest of the world fades into the background. If you've ever felt like a third wheel when hanging out with two friends who are dating each other, you know how true this is." Pg. 41

4. Dating can distract young adults from their primary responsibility of preparing for the future.

"Being distracted by love is not such a bad thing, unless God wants you to do something else." Pg. 43

5. Dating can cause discontentment with God's gift of singleness.

"God gives this singleness, a season of our lives unmatched in it's boundless opportunities for growth, learning, and service." pg. 44

6. Dating can create an artificial environment for evaluating another person's character.

"On a date, a person can charm his or her way into a dates heart. He drives a nice car, and pays for everything; she looks great. But who cares? Being fun on a date doesn't say anything about a person's character or ability to be a good husband or wife." Pg. 45

7. Dating often becomes and end in itself.

" Because they can experience many of the emotional and, sadly, even physical privileges of marriage in their dating relationships, many people (men in particular) find little motivation for committing themselves to marriage." pg. 46

Bethany~
Like Mr. Josh Harris says, "the seven habits of highly defective dating reveal that we can't fix many of dating's problems by merely "dating right". The pastor in Eric and Jenny's story encouraged saving sex for marriage, but, advice like this is like the person trying to keep the swerving cart on course in the shop with expensive china, it doesn't work.

"We see the failed attempts around us, but we refuse to replace this "cart" called dating. We want to stay on the straight and narrow path and serve God, yet we continue a practice that often pulls us in the wrong direction(pg. 31).......Let's not waste any more time battling the swerving cart of dating. It's time for a new attitude."(pg. 43)

Jenna~
In my many dreams of being a wife and mother, I often forget that singleness is a gift from God, a time to serve others, to grow, and to prepare for my future marriage and serving my future spouse. I don't need to wish away my single years (even if I want to) but instead, treasure them and use them for preparation and service. I need to step up and take ahold of the gift that God has placed in my lap, using it for HIS glory.

"God gives us singleness - a season of our lives unmatched in its boundless opportunities for growth, learning and service." Pg. 44

Josh~
"No, dating doesn't make us sin. And no, getting rid of it wouldn't solve all our problems in relationships. But it would be foolish to pretend that dating itself isn't at least part of the problem." Pg. 36

Like Josh says, dating doesn't "make us sin" but it's an environment that encourages us to give in to selfishness and temptation. If you have a certain weakness, the last thing you want to do is place yourself in a situation that will support compromising.

If you have any thoughts on this chapter, please share!

I Kissed Dating Goodbye; Chapter 2

2009-11-04T02:33:00.001-08:00

We realized this morning that Bethany has the Original copy (1997) of IKDG and we have the Updated copy of IKDG (2003). Bethany just posted a schedule to follow down on the side bar so that you know what to read for whichever copy that you have.

For today we're going to comment on:

Chapter 2 ~ The Little Relationship Principle in the Updated Version.

The Joy of Intimacy is the Reward of Commitment

Josh:
"Deepening intimacy without defining a level of commitment is dangerous. It's like going mountain climbing with a partner who isn't sure she wants the responsibility of holding your rope. When you've climbed 2000 feet up a mountain face, you don't want to have a conversation about how she feels "tied down" by your relationship. In the same way, many people experience deep hurt when they open themselves up emotionally and physically only to be abandoned by someone who proclaims he's not ready for a "serious commitment".

Why would you want to give yourself and your emotions to someone who isn't seriously commited? So many people give themselves away for temporary "pleasure" of intimacy, but result in being hurt and scarred - for life, by a mutual lack of commitment. I don't have alot to say on this quote, but I think that it speaks for itself. "The Joy of Intimacy is the Reward of Commitment".

Jenna:

Like Josh Harris said, recreational dating is selfishness. Commitment isn't there, but the selfishness is. What is good for me, what gives me "thrills" and pleasure? What gives me the kind of intimacy that I want? Yes, dating is [usually] all about self (me, me, me) and worldly pleasure. There is no regarding purity and looking out for others needs.

"We pursue romantic relationships for the sake of romance, for a good time, for the sake of the experience, for the sake of figuring out what we'll one day want when we got around to actually committing to one person." pg. 31

"The issue is whether the intimacy in your relationship is appropriate to your current level of commitment".

Does our intimacy match our level of commitment?

I Kissed Dating Goodbye; Chapter 1

2009-11-03T03:33:00.000-08:00

Okay some of our thoughts on Chapter 1:

Bethany:

"I've come to realize that I have no business asking for a girl's heart and affections if I'm not ready to back up my request with a lifelong commitment. Until I can do that , I'd only be using that woman to meet my short term needs, not seeking to bless her for the long term." Pg. 19

How awesomely true, for both male and female alike. A lack of true commitment, true agape love is the problem in most dating relationships today. Most adolescents (and many don't grow up which is why it is so spread out into adults today) are selfish, thinking only of themselves and what they can get out of it.

Jenna:

"Waiting until I'm ready for commitment before pursuing romance is just one example of letting Christ's love control my relationships with the opposite gender." Pg. 20

I like what you quoted alot, there is a general lack of commitment. When someone shows that they are committed, that shows maturity...it shows that they're not just going to back out on you. Relationships can be so selfish these days, just being about lusts and wanting somebody to hang on to.

Josh:

"Every relationship for a Christian is an opportunity to love another person like God has loved us. To lay down our desires and do what's in his or her best interest. To care for him or her when there's nothing in it for us. To want that persons purity and holiness because it pleases God and protects him or her." Pg. 19

I think it's important to love people like Christ verses a selfish, "what can I get out of this" relationship. Helping the other people maintain purity and protect them is what I want to do.

Our conclusion of the chapter?? We need to hold our commitment high and love others as Christ loves us...not compromising our purity.

Beyond The Cover

Too Big, Too Small

The Door to My Room is Locked

Oh Brother!

Home Survival Kit

Peace Treaties in the Living Room

Problems Come and Problems Stay

Skunks and Mothballs

The Chance of a Lifetime

Home Sweet Home: In Crisis

The Winner is...

Do Hard Things, the Gospel, and You.

***Giveaway***

A Thousand Young Hero's!

Generation Rising

Taking a Stand

Small Hard Things

The Power of Collaberation

Raising the Bar

That First Scary Step

A Better Way

The Myth of Adolesence

The Birth of a Big Idea!

Most People Don't......

Announcing...

Someday I'll have a Story to Tell...

Principled Romance

What Matters at Fifty?

Ready for the Sack but Not for the Sacrifice

Redeeming the Time...

Guard Your Heart

Just Friends In a Just-Do-It World

Starting With a Clean Slate

"A Cleansed Past: The Room. How Jesus can Redeem your Past."

The Direction Of Purity

I Kissed Dating Goodbye; The Right Thing at the Wrong Time is the Wrong Thing

I Kissed Dating Goodbye; Looking up "Love" in God's Dictionary

I Kissed Dating Goodbye; The Seven Habits of Highly Defective Dating

I Kissed Dating Goodbye; Chapter 2

I Kissed Dating Goodbye; Chapter 1

Giveaway