Problems Come and Problems Stay

Finding the Root Problem

Bethany:

My Dad always says, "The issue is not really the real issue."  For instance, when one sibling says something that hurts another siblings feelings, the hurt sibling may go and yell at another sibling because of t.  The issue then seems to be the one yelling at the other, however it really has more to do with the one sibling hurting the feelings of another sibling.  

These issues should not be addressed in any other way that with forgiveness.  This is the ONLY way that is really going to work to get everyone on the same path again.  Humble yourself and ask forgiveness of the one you have hurt.  If you don't get to the root of things now, it's going to get worse and worse.  

3 Keys to Forgiveness

1. Remember that God has forgiven us, so we should forgive others as well.

2. Remember that people are like little lambs.  May do not have the teaching and leading of a good shepherd.  That is why, when Jesus was suffering on the cross, He said about those who had mocked, ridiculed and tortured Him unjustly, "Father forgive them; for they know not what they do. (Luke 23:34)

3. Remember to ask God why He let this unjustice happen.  These reasons may include:

  a) It is a test from God.

  b) It is a temptation from Satan.

  c) It is an assignment from God.

  d) It is a souce of unseen benefits which God want to give us in an unusual way.

Jenna:

As we search for the "unwanted strangers" in our lives and sibling relationships, we have to humble ourselves as we peel away each layer of our heart. Let me be painfully honest here, I have a hard time searching out problems in my life. It is a pride issue (that I AM dealing with.), and when I am proud or haughty, it is impossible to HONESTLY evaluate my rights and wrongs.

Getting rid of all pride and sin is hard...it's painful...it's humbling and it is FREEING! Pride is such an issue in most sibling relationships...I deal with it every day.

 

Ask yourself these questions as you search and pray:

 

• Have I hurt them through unkind words or actions?
• Have I lied to them or stolen from them?
• Have I made fun of them or teased them? Especially in front of my friends? Or their friends?
• Have I neglected to do something that they were expecting from me?
• Have I been hard to please?
• Have I been angry with them or lost my temper?
• Have I been insensitive to their feelings?
• Have I treated them unjustly in any way?
• Have I put my own friends and priorities ahead of them?
• Have I gossiped against them?
• Have I caused frustration by not noticing or praising them?
• Have I had a competitive spirit against them?
• Have I failed to fulfill something I said I would do?
• Have I ignored them with an attitude of unconcern?

 

If there was a circumstance that came to your mind while you meditated on those questions - that you never addressed, ask forgiveness for it. Your sibling will be blessed by your humility. They will follow your own example, especially if you are older.

 

 

~Bethany and Jenna~

Skunks and Mothballs

Josh-

"In the same way, each of us will be either a 'polluting influence' or a godly influence to those around us. God desires that we spread the fragrance of Christ everywhere we go. We want to saturate our community with the fragrance of Christ. Our godly attitudes, purity, and willingness to stand for Christ will spread His fragrance. Just as my bag spent it's time sitting next to mothballs, so we want to spend our time with Jesus. If we are abiding with Christ and His Word, His fragrance will automatically flow from us."

While this quote does not directly relate to making your brother or sister a best friend, I feel that it does possess some coherance, in the context of the big picture. If you take a step back and look at the big picture of your relationship with your sibling, you can make the connection between "saturating the community with the fragrance of Christ" to saturating your sibling relationship with the fragrance of Christ. With Jesus Christ as he heart and focus of a relationship, love for one another will stronger than ever! Just as we want to be a "godly influence to those around us", all the same, we should strive to be a godly influence to our siblings as well...


Jenna -

"As Sarah, Stephen, and I are growing older, our relationship is changing. We used to play Legos and games together, but now we like to talk, laugh and do projects together. We haven't drifted apart because of our own separate friends, interests, and schedules. No, our relationship stays strong...If we can learn to love and work well with our families as we're growing up, it will help us when we need to get along with other people in life." Pg. 69

My mom and I have talked many times about not letting our schedules get so busy that we don't have any time to invest in our siblings. I know that it is very easy to get wrapped up in personal interests and activities...and, when you're struggling with getting along with a sibling, "running away and hiding" in your personal interests and activities is the perfect solution - at least that's what we're tempted to think.

A helpful relationship strengthener, is to find an area of interest that you and your sibling(s) share...for our family that is animals:) Most of us really like goats, and so we do barnchores 2x a day together, we prepare them for a show and show them together, and everything that we do for goats and animals is TOGETHER!! We have learned how to work together - though we're still working on communication between some of us. This year Abigail is joining Josh and I in showing hogs...we do that project TOGETHER which makes it so much fun!!! We work through the rough spots together, compile our notebooks together, laugh and talk while we work together etc. 4-H has been a great resource for our relationships.

Another idea is reading. For a while Josh read the Hardy Boys to Caleb and Abigail and every afternoon they looked forward to it! Every afternoon before rest time, we read books to Anna and Natalie - they LOVE it!!!

I encourage all of you to find a COMMON AREA OF INTEREST and invest in that interest...maybe it is animals, maybe it's some sport, maybe it's cooking. Your siblings will really enjoy the time that you invest in them.


Bethany -

It is so easy to look at the small picture and what is going to affect us now. It's so easy to say "my sister/brother absolutely hates me so why would I even try to work on our relationship" but in the long run, your siblings are going to be around you for pretty much forever and a life with love is way more enjoyable then a life with hate. My Dad always told my sister and I, "Friends have an end, but sisters (or brothers!) are FOREVER." In the long run, your hard fought fight to have a good relationship with your siblings is going to pay off and you will have some of the best friends of your life.

The big picture includes three things to focus on:

#1. Cleanse Your Life "One essential step in seeking God's best is to get rid of any "polluting influence" that you are allowing in your life or home or family". (p.66) This would be getting those things that are hurting your relationships such as corrupt music, bad books, friends that are causing you to take too much time away from your family, etc.

#2. Spend Time with the Lord and His Word. By spending time in God's word and talking to Him, you will glean wonderful encouragement and learn how better to love your siblings. Plus, why wouldn't talk to the King of Kings if you had the open invitation?

#3. Submit to Your Parents "Parental authority is a concept that most people to not seem to grasp. One of the main things that people have difficulty understanding about authority is that it is a GOOD thing, not a BAD thing." (p. 69)

Parents are a wonderful authority that God has given us. If we submit to them, we may learn more about our family and how to treat them."You can only see up to the next bend and you don't know what is ahead.

"From the sky you can see the whole river and where you are going, but from down below you can only see the next step. We need to look at our life from God's perspective. Sometimes we only know the next task or the next step, but the Lord has a much bigger plan in store for us." (p. 80)

The Benefits of Being a Good Brother or Sister:

• You will bring honor to your parents.
• You will have a good (powerful and effective) testimony to others
• You will be laying a godly foundation for generations to come
• You will get more accomplished (because you will have cooperation instead of conflicts)
• You will experience a peaceful home
• You will be building vital character traits of godliness in your life
• You will have excellent preparation for your future marriage and ministry
• Your investment in the life of your sister or brother will be a priceless treasure to them
• You and your siblings will avoid the trap of needing approval from friends, because you will find security in each other
• Your love will be a demonstration to everyone that you are Christ's disciple
• Your brothers and sisters will be one of your greatest resources of caution and counsel, and help in times of need.
• You will find great joy!
• You will enjoy the rich, lifelong friendship that God intended
• You will gain experience and insight which will help you get along with other believers - your brothers and sisters in Christ.

Stephens Definitions

Perplexed - One boy who must write one sentence.
Cofused - One boy who must write one paragraph.
Disaster - One boy who has a deadline set by his sister!
Skunk - A creature with enough "scents" not to play hide and seek.
Future - A time to schedule all of your work.
Campers - Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes.


Blessings to you all as you work on INVESTING in your siblings and look to the future - you want your relationships to be strong and close, right?

~Josh, Jenna and Bethany

The Chance of a Lifetime

Your Life Work Starts in Your Family

Characteristics of a True Servant

• Knows that all assignments are actually from God
• Will be quick to volunteer
• Considers his assignment important
• Takes orders
• Does not desire to have authority
• Will do what others do not or will not do
• Enjoys meeting needs
• Doesn't need recognition
• Will voluntarily serve without pay
• Doesn't seek higher status
• Will do more than is required
• Does not have his own selfish ambitions
• Will serve anyone - even those whom others don't like to serve
• Is willing to be treated like a servant
• Does not seek the "big" and "important" assignments
• Will serve with a joyful attitude
• Will put his whole heart into each task
• Thinks of others before himself
• Desires that his master receives the credit
• Desires that God receives the glory

Jenna -

While we were reading Do Hard Things, we talked about doing the SMALL things...the "things" that don't seem important, but they are! We're back to that in this book; but can you do the small things with a servants heart?

As the older sister with "bossy syndrome", I will often ask one of the younger kids to go and get something for me. I realize that this is wrong and I have tried to stop though it is hard because that was my habit.

The other day I was putting some laundry away, and my younger brother looked at me and said "Jenna, you're a servant aren't you"? At first it sounded funny to me, and then I said "yes" because that's what I desire!! The Characteristics listed above, changed my thinking. I am a servant, and don't think that it's misery! You will be a huge blessing to many people because of your servants heart.

"And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance; for ye serve the Lord Christ."

Colossians 3:23-24

Bethany -

Like Jenna mentioned, we just covered this exact issue in our last book.....Do Hard Things! This chapter very much reminds me of the chapter "Small Hard Things" in that we really need to focus on the smaller, less glamorous things of life such as loving siblings that are hard to get along with, babysitting those crazy little ones or living peacefully in a home. Those things can be really really hard, even if they aren't big and exciting.

I believe God gave families for many special reasons. I think families help build character in each person's life. Parents learn how to teach and love at the time same time. Children learn to obey submissively. Siblings learn to love and serve even when it is difficult.

"God has put a mission field right before us. We need to be understanding and encouraging to our siblings, parents and grandparents. When we are ten, twelve or sixteen years old, we may not have the opportunity to be a missionary to Africa, but we can fulfill the ministry that God wants us to do right now, right here. 'He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much.' (Luke 16:10)

It's not a glamourous, exciting or outwardly rewarding field that many people notice, but being a servant to our family is one of the most wonderful, inwardly rewarding jobs in life. Take hold of it and enjoy your family today!

Stephen's Definitions
Slave - Synonym for "son."
Perplexed - One sister who mus make one left turn.
Confused - Two sisters who mush make two left turns.
Disaster - When two lost sisters, who insist they have made two right turns, call home for directions, and no one is home but their mother!
Vacation - When you travel for days to get your picture taken next to your car.
Important - A false idea we have about ourselves.

If any of you have an interest in writing a guest post on this book, please email Jenna at femininefarmgirl @ gmail . com ! Thank you.

~Jenna and Bethany

Home Sweet Home: In Crisis

Wow, the beginning of another book!  We've been so blessed by going through these books and discussing them on this blog, we hope you have been as well!  If you are joining, we hope you enjoy this new book....Making Brothers and Sister's Best Friends by Sarah, Stephen and Grace Mally. 

Why Your Own Family is Often Your Biggest Struggle

6 Reasons for Family Conflict:

#1. False Concepts

#2. Bitterness

#3. Higher Expectations of Our Family

#4. Lower Expectations of Ourselves

#5. Distractions
#6. Hidden Enemy Influences

Bethany:

"Sometimes you are helpless the only solution is to be rescued.  You can't do it by yourself."

~Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends  (p. 18)

Let's start out facing the truth......home is one of the most difficult places to get along with everyone.   There have definately been times where I need rescuing.  Sure there may be days where everyone gets along beautifully, but others are just horrible.  I'm saying this from experience.  I personally live in a home with many siblings and sometimes they are often changing.  Last year our family decided to take in foster children and since then we've had a total of 6 different kids in our home.  On top of that I have 3 biological siblings and two adopted!  We definitely don't always get along. 

I will say that I am very blessed to have my closest sibling in age as my best friend.  Pretty much we never argue and if we do, it's rarely serious.  However.....there are others in the family....that I may not get along with the greatest.  This first chapter that we are reading today points us out.  We have a serious problem and we'd better get to the bottom of things before it's too late.  

I'm going to just really quick talk through the 6 reasons for family conflicts.  #1.  False Concepts.  If we believe that there are problems with everyone else and we are absolutely fine, that is a false concept.  Maybe you believe that nothing is ever going to change in your relationship with your siblings.  Either way, it's all false and can be overcome.  #2. Bitterness.  Did a brother or sister do something to you once that you just CANNOT forgive them for?  Remember to forgive others as Christ has forgiven you.  #3. Higher expectations of our family.  We expect our family to just naturally love, accept and care for us.  Maybe they do, but they don't have all the time in the world for us.  We've gotta accept that.  #4. Lower expectations of ourselves.  This is so true and it's kinda scary.  You know that thing called peer pressure?  That's going to get the best of us one day.  We are so nice to our friends and those outside of the home but can be nasty and difficult at home.  Come on everyone, we gotta buck up and have higher expectations of ourselves at home.  #5. Distractions.  Let's just start a list.....Computers, cell phones, texting, video games, sports, books, friends, work, etc.  Hidden Enemy Influences.  This is the biggy!  Satan hates a good strong family and he's going to work as hard as he can to rip them apart.  Fight that good fight and show the Devil who's in charge (God).  Stand up for Jesus!

Jenna:

"From the beginning, Satan has tried to undermine and destroy God's plan. A godly family has much potential for the Lord. The enemy knows this and works very hard to destroy families. He has many lies, snares, and strategies. The world is also working against us. We are surrounded by influences and teachings which do not encourage relationships in the family." Pg. 16

Getting along with a sibling(s) can be a real challenge, can't it? My twin and I get along VERY well and hardly ever misunderstand each other. My 3 little sisters are easy as pie to get along with 1. because they're SO cute! and 2. they're not old enough to talk back...
It is my three "middle" siblings that I need to work on being a best friend to, and it's often a big challenge for me. I find that one of my biggest mistakes, is that I have very high expectations that I want to see from them, and it often just sets them up for failure. Those high expectations frustrate them and a fight starts.

This week I am working on having high expectations for MYSELF, and to encourage others!

Stephen's Definitions:

Brother - A practically perfect person who helps his sisters learn character.

Book - A random selection of words compiled to make a point that some people may not like.

Expectations - An idea that you hope someone will do at a certain time, in a certain place, to a certain person, in order to benefit you in a certain way.
Patience - A character quality which children under five instinctively aim to develop in those around them.
Home - A place where yo ucan say what you think, but no one listens.
Friends - People who usually have the same virtues, the same enemies, or the same faults.
Family Trees - They seem to produce a variety of nuts.

Do you have a problem with getting along with your siblings?  How has this chapter encouraged you?  We love to hear your thoughts!

In Christ,
~Bethany and Jenna~

The Winner is...

....Hannah of Marilla Heights!!! Congratulations Hannah! Please email Jenna at femininefarmgirl(at)gmail(dot)com with your address, and the book will be sent to you shortly;D

Thank you all for participating in the giveaway! For anyone that is interested in "Making Brothers and Sisters your Best Friends", go to the Mally's website HERE! The book is on sale right now!!

Thank you Sarah, Stephen and Grace Mally, for writing this encouraging book, and thank you for donating a copy to this giveaway!! We look forward to discussing it!!!



We would love for you to get the book (try the library if you can't buy it) and discuss each chapter with us, starting on February 1.

Blessings!
Bethany and Jenna

Do Hard Things, the Gospel, and You.

Bethany:

This is the last chapter of Do Hard Things! Hard to believe it's done, it went so quickly! I hope you all were encouraged to do harder things for God, whether they be big or small. I know I was!

In the last chapter Alex describes the beauty and simplicity of one of many people's biggest, hardest and ultimately best decision in life.....accepting Jesus Christ as your Savior. One of the most well known verses in the Bible is;

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.

John 3:16

While there are many more verses regarding the love of God and the death (and resurrection!) of Jesus Christ for our sins, this verse sums it all up beautifully. How I praise God for His love towards me and I thank Him for saving me from the firey pit of hell. If you are not saved by God's dear grace, consider joining us on the most exciting journey of your life! Loving and serving God all our days, can it get much better?

Jenna:

Going through Do Hard Things and discussing it, has been both a challenge and a delight for me!!I was of course, very encouraged to do the hard things, but more specifically the small hard things that tend to go un-noticed. I was convicted of not doing those hard things, yet I purposed to put a lot more effort into them because if I'm faithful in the little, I'll be faithful in much! I've been encouraged to do all for the glory of Jesus, and not for man.

Do Hard Things encouraged me to be a light in the darkness and to enjoy all of the hard things that I do...Easy? No! But a challenge? Yes, and one that I am going to take up!!!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Thank you to everyone who read Do Hard Things with us!! We hope that it encouraged you as much as it did us, and if you are so inclined, we would love to hear your thoughts in the comment section. What encouraged you, inspired you or challenged you?

Also, don't forget to enter the giveaway for Making Brothers and Sisters your Best Friends in the post below. It is the next book that we will be discussing here, and we would love for each of you to join us. Both young and old will be challenged to not just "get along" with siblings, but to ENJOY, LOVE and NURTURE a blessed relationship with them. Of course you have to apply it to your own life, but this will give you a big start:D We look forward to starting it!!!

In Christ,

Bethany and Jenna

***Giveaway***

While we are finishing up our Do Hard Things discussion, we will be hosting a giveaway of the next book: Making Brothers and Sisters your Best Friends !!! Sarah, Stephen and Grace Mally (the authors of the book) were VERY kind, and agreed to donate a brand new copy of this wonderful book to whoever wins this giveaway!

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Below are the ways that you can enter for 4 entries total!!

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~ Comment on this post

~ Post about the giveaway on your blog and make sure to put a direct link to the post in a comment here!

~ Put a post on Facebook about the giveaway, and make sure to put a direct link to the post in a comment here!

~ If people come from your blog and mention your name, we will add an entry for you:)

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This giveaway will end on Thursday, January 21, 2010 and the winner will be announced on Friday morning. You don't have long to enter and spread the word, so do it quick!!

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Have fun!

Josh, Bethany and Jenna