Too Big, Too Small

Hello Friends,
We apologize for falling off of our schedule...is it an excuse to say that we're learning to be flexible with our schedules?! Maybe it is! Anyways, here is last Friday's post. Please share your thoughts in the comment section - we'd love to hear what is on your heart (in relation to the book).

Jenna -

In this chapter, us first borns are called out on some common weaknesses:

• Bossing younger ones around or nagging them
• Making all the decisions
• Demanding or expecting too much
• Constantly finding fault or criticizing
• Being too bus for younger siblings
• Overlooking the needs of the younger ones
• Being embarrassed by them, rather than being proud of their unique features and strengths
• Pushing our own ideas
• Leaving the younger ones out
• Considering ourselves more important than them
• Being too controlling
• Trying to change the faults we see in our siblings
• Teasing and laughing for fun, without realizing the hurt we are causing
• Taking advantage of younger siblings

I have one sister with special needs - on some days I find myself correcting her on everything; seeming like she can't do anything correctly. I try to control her, change the faults that I see in her, I constantly find fault and make all the decisions. Often times I feel like it's so hard for *me* to deal with all of her special needs, but this sibling not only has to deal with her special needs; she has to deal with me and all *my* faults that I listed above.

This chapter has helped me to see that I need to quit correcting her so much, and ENCOURAGE, not tear down. It is not my desire to tear her down.

I can:

• Set a good example
• Be willing to learn from her
• Express love
• Protect her from wrong influences, wrong friends and wrong information
• Include her in my life
• Pray for her daily
• Don't have expectations
• Take initiative to do projects with her

We can all apply this loving method of the "older sibling" to our younger siblings, and Lord willing have some much better results in improving our relationships!! Let's build each other up!

Stephens Definitions:

Cheerfulness - It may be contagious, but it seems like some people have been vaccinated against the infection

Chores - What to say you're doing if you want a few minutes by yourself

Etc. - The perfect word when you can't think of the right one

Firstborn's philosophy - Never put off til tomorrow what you can order someone else to do today (wouldn't you hate to be known as this??)

Golden Rule - Something that may be old, but hasn't been used enough to show any signs of wear.

Energy - Something little brothers and sisters save for rainy days

Females - People who take their time taking your time:)

In Christ,

Jenna for Bethany and Josh!!

BTW, Bethany had to give her book back to the library and can't get it again right now, so that is why you don't see her wonderful posts...we should all be back soon!! Do you want to help me out in the comment section, and add to my thoughts??!

The Door to My Room is Locked

{Three Life-Changing Attitudes}

Bethany~

Sensitivity: "Seeing beyond the surface to the real needs of those I am with." Sensitivity is vital to a relationship of any kind. If sensitivity is not found in a relationship, people will be hurt, little encouragement will be given and no one will feel happy or loved. This is one area that I really need to work on myself. Being a person who is not very sensitive to things other do to me, I am often not near as sensitive as I should be with others.

Meekness: "Giving up my rights and dying to my wants, knowing that God is actually in charge." I always enjoy reading these chapters in this book because you can so tell the Mally's birth order by their writing and stories. Sarah is definitely the oldest. Grace - obviously the youngest, and Stephen stuck right in the middle. Being the oldest in the family, I enjoy reading Sarah's section since I can often relate and struggle in the same areas (sibling wise). Being a leader is natural to the eldest child in the family but often it comes out bossy even if it's not meant to be. It's not easy for many older siblings to show meekness to their younger siblings, but another vital role in your relationship with them.

Compassion: "Gently healing hurts because we are able to feel how other have been wrongfully injured." Okay, another tough one for me. Now, if someone "wrongfully injures" one of my siblings (both physically or hurts their feelings), they'd better watch out 'cause I'm going to come after them. However, I'm not a soft gushy person and am not about ready to cry whenever someone else is or comfort them when they get hurt. I'm more of a "buck up and get over it" type of person but I know that isn't always appropriate. Yes, another one of those things to work on!


"Everyday, almost every minute, we can be demonstrating these three traits of godliness. As sensitivity, meekness, and compassion become a pattern in our lives, we will see unexpected benefits in our relationships with our siblings. We may never know just how much we have impacted their lives." (p. 176)



Jenna~

Bethany, Josh and I are all "first borns"...we and all the other first borns out there can usually relate to the hardship of meekness and "voluntarily putting yourself underneath another...". It takes surrenduring pride and showing humility, sensitivity and compassion.

This book has been a tremendous encouragement, but it has also stretched me and given me a different outlook on being the oldest sister.

Number 1: I am NOT supposed to be the boss! I have the tendancy to quickly (and efficiantly!) divide the chores and "encourage" (though often perceived as nagging to my siblings) everyone to keep at their chores and get them done well...it's become a habit to me and annoyance to them. I am working on breaking this habit because I want to be a Sensitive...and Meek...and Compasionate sister.

This is a constant journey for me, and I'm sure many of you ~ I'm just sharing from my experiences and my heart!

Don't get discouraged. Keep working on your part of sibling relationships and ask the Lord to help you:)


Stephen's Definitions:

Charity - Something that should begin at home, but most people don't stay at home long enough to begin it.
Character - Have it. Don't be one.
Mistake - The first one usually made is opening your mouth.
Conscience - It may be a stil, quiet voice, but it sure yells loudly afterwards.
Diplomacy - The art of letting someone else get your way.

Oh Brother!

Dealing with "Bothers" and Sisters

Bethany:

When I saw the title of this I just had laugh.  Our previous Youth Pastor always referred to siblings as "blisters" (sisters) and "bothers" (brothers).  Of course he was joking, but the point was made.  It's sad to say, but siblings don't get along perfectly all the time (imagine that!!!!!).  

I'll give you a quick example of situations.  Last year we had 4 foster girls (on top of our already 6 children) which put our family at 9 girls and 1 boy all 15 and under.  Talk about hormones!  All of them were homeschooled by my mom and it was dead in the middle of winter (that seemed to never let up).  I tell ya, we were bored, sick and tired of each other and about ready to pull each others hair out (inside joke, just bear with me).  This was the perfect situation to just all about "go at" each other.  I think sometimes just changing the situation will help.  If you can help in any way change what everyone is doing (like as in, we were all closed in together with nothing other than schoolwork and pick on each other, so Dad packed us all up for the weekend and we had a little family vacation) DO IT!  When we got back from our little vacation, everyone was in much better spirits and had a better outlook on things.  Now, you can do something way smaller such as all the kids are about ready to drive you balistic (they are being loud, annoying, obnoxious, etc) give them something to do.  Bring them outside, read them a book, tell them a story, etc.  Set aside your pride and selfeshness and help address the problem!

Just to let you know...I'm talking right to myself.  I need to remember all the time!  Currently having 3 brothers 9 and under, yeah it gets a little crazy.  Sometimes I'm just about ready to blow up but I've gotta remember, think about them, not myself.  I've gotta learn to respond with humility and patience.    Okay...putting that on my mental list. :)  Always lots to learn!

Jenna:

We all have things that bother us... maybe it's when 2 siblings (my sisters!) are running through the house singing at the VERY TOP OF THEIR LUNGS (they claim that they're praising Jesus!), or when you've got a younger brother that TRYS to purposely do every little thing to BUG you?!? My goodness, life can be full of little things that are BOTHERING us, but how are WE responding to the irritations? It comes back to our heart again! 

If our siblings are "bothering" us, than maybe we're looking at them as pests instead of friends?
We all know that if we respond and say "STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!! You're driving my CrAZy! WOn't you just quit it?????????????" they get that wonderful reaction that they had (possibly) hoped for and everything explodes.

 What happens if we say something kind to them, encouraging, helpful? Then we don't get angry and {hopefully} they'll stop whatever they're doing to be annoying! Maybe you're getting easily offended? GIVE UP YOUR RIGHTS and PRIDE!
If things continue to escalate, than go to your mom and dad for help INSTEAD of fighting - the perfect change to practice humility, right?


Just a few tips on what to do with a bothering sibling:
1. Accept this irritation as from the Lord
2. Examine yourself for what you may h ave done to cause this irritation.
3. Determine what you can learn through this irritation.
4. See his/her need.
5. View this as a test from the Lord.


Stephen's Definitions
Anger - Just one letter short of danger.
Self-Control - Something that comes in mightly handy when you're eating salted peanuts.
Temperance - A trait learned from a tea kettle - though it's up to it's neck in hot water, it continues to sing.
Peace - The period of confusion and unrest between two wars.
Patience - The art of concealing your impatience.
Cooperation - Doing what I tell you and doing it quickly.

Do any of you have examples to share of situations/ways that you have irritations in your life? :)

~Bethany and Jenna~

Home Survival Kit

The Number One Key to All Relationships

Bethany ~

"Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: For God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time." (1 Peter 5:5-6)

The key of humility...this is one of the best chapter in this book so far. Without this key of humility, we will not find our problems in the home, desire to serve others in our family, admit you are wrong, or do anything else we have previously addressed in this book. Humility. What an amazing character trait that so few people have.

The first person that comes to mind from the Bible that was a very humble man, was Abraham. When his nephew Lot's herdsmen were fighting with his herdsmen, he first said told Lot that there must be no fighting between them. Abraham allowed the younger Lot to pick the land first...the green lush grazing land, or the rugged, desert mountains. Of course Lot chose the lush land and Abraham was left with the rugged mountains.

Don't let pride get in the way of a relationship. It's so easy to do, as we are created with auto-pride machines in us. Yet with God's help, we can conquer that pride and let humility reign in it's place.


Jenna ~

Applying humility. It's one of those things that *seems* easy at first, but it magnifies once you actually try!! How do you show humility? Here is the list of ways to start applying humility - I like these lists (if you can't tell!)...

How to Apply Humility:
- Be willing to listen to them (siblings or friends) instead of talking about yourself.
- Ask for their help and advice
- Consider your siblings more important than yourself (Phil. 2:3-4)
- Be willing to do things THEIR way. Don't make all the decisions (this is especially hard for first-borns like me;)
- Let others be the first to tell the latest news.
- Say, "I was wrong," and explain why.
- Ask forgiveness
- Share your struggles
- Be quick to give in when there is a problem.
- Never put them down by joking about them
- Express gratefulness and thankfulness for the ways they benefit your life.
- Be willing to do the things no one else wants to do.
- Look for ways to serve them
- Submit to them (Ephesians 5:21)
- Try to fit into their schedule, rather than forcing them to fit into yours.

Many of you know that I am the "first born" daughter and almost the first born child and yes, I suffer from the oldest child bossy syndrome. It's a terrible syndrome that makes your siblings suffer more than you do - it makes them miserable and often times makes them build up brick walls in the relationship because you're being bossy.

Here's an example for you of OCBS (Oldest Child Bossy Syndrome): I love to work - I love finding a job/chores that show tons of progress or even little things that will never be noticed. I Enjoy making a difference, working is just something that I love!! On the other hand, one of my sisters LOVES and I mean LOVES to read...I think that reading is a good thing, but I also think that she sits in the chair too much doing it:) So, being the one with OCBS and having ever so much "knowlege" (JK), I'll say "sister, you need to get out of the chair now and DO SOMETHING!!! Anything besides reading, really. She gets offended and I'm now the bad guy for being bossy! I've just caused her to put another brick on the wall that grows between a relationship. I made a mistake, but I also have the opportunity to take that brick back off the wall and practice humility!! I can (and will work on) going back to her and saying "I'm so sorry for being bossy to you, please forgive me - I was wrong..."

This is an example of me talking too much and not humbling myself - I think that I'm right, and that she needs to obey me. Sometimes I think that she needs to like work and cleaning like I do but that's not looking for ways to serve her...Where is my humility?!

I see in my life, that there are literally HUNDREDS of opportunity's each day for me to practice humility. Here I go again, ready to conquer another giant with the Lord's help!


Stephens Definitions!

Public Opinion: What people think people think.
Mistakes: Something made only by others; we only make unavoidable errors.
Faults: When looking for these, use a mirror, not a telescope...
Argument: When two people are trying to get in the last word first.


What blessed you in this chapter? What are your thoughts on Humility? Would you care to comment with your thoughts on this chapter?!?

In Christ,
Jenna and Bethany

Peace Treaties in the Living Room

Healing Hurt Relationships

Bethany -

The Three Types of Conscience.....A good conscience, a guilty conscience and a dead conscience. This chapter talks about the importance of asking forgiveness and the relief of guilt off your conscience.

I remember when I was about 5 or 6 years old we were at my grandparents house and I broke something in their home. Rather than going and telling anyone, I just left it be. A few hours later at home I was a miserable mess. I had no appetite, didn't want to do anything and just felt like crying. Finally I told my mom and she let me call my grandparents and I told them what I had broken and told them I would replace it. What a relief! I was so glad to have that burden off my conscience!

Don't keep a guilty conscience, it's miserable and you aren't right with God. It may be difficult to ask forgiveness, but it's better than being separated from our Heavenly Father.

Jenna -

"Little sins that are never made right will affect us for the rest of our lives. If there are little offenses we have not taken care of, we have guilt which willl be a hindrance in our relationship with God and others. Guilt does to relationships what injuries, handicaps, diseases or poisons do to the body. They hinder the way if functions." Pg. 105

I have had this in my own life, where I'll put off asking forgiveness for something and HOPE that the other person that I offended will forget what I did. That DID hinder my relationship with Jesus Christ and once I took care of my offense, I was able to keep growing in the Lord.

Don't put off asking forgiveness. It can sound scary to have to go up to someone and confess your wrong, but as Bethany said, the guilt will consume you! You will be a miserable mess.

Take a few moments, and make a list of things that you have never asked forgiveness for. Go to the person that you hurt or offended and take care of the matter... Don't put it off 'til tomorrow for you don't know what it may bring.

Stephen's Definitions

Answers - What wehave for other people's problems

Popularity - Knowing that there are two sides to every question and taking both of them.

Conscience - Something that keeps more people awake than coffee.

Clear Conscience - Often the sign of a bad memory.

Problems - Psychiatrists tell us that talking solves these - it also causes them

Eraser - The perfect invention for human beings.

Mind - A high tech, fully automated, non-battery-operated excuse maker (now with more memory!).

In Christ,

Jenna and Bethany

~ If you are interested in writing a guest post this month, please email Jenna at femininefarmgirl@gmail.com. We would love to have other youth participating in this discussion!

Problems Come and Problems Stay

Finding the Root Problem

Bethany:

My Dad always says, "The issue is not really the real issue."  For instance, when one sibling says something that hurts another siblings feelings, the hurt sibling may go and yell at another sibling because of t.  The issue then seems to be the one yelling at the other, however it really has more to do with the one sibling hurting the feelings of another sibling.  

These issues should not be addressed in any other way that with forgiveness.  This is the ONLY way that is really going to work to get everyone on the same path again.  Humble yourself and ask forgiveness of the one you have hurt.  If you don't get to the root of things now, it's going to get worse and worse.  

3 Keys to Forgiveness

1. Remember that God has forgiven us, so we should forgive others as well.

2. Remember that people are like little lambs.  May do not have the teaching and leading of a good shepherd.  That is why, when Jesus was suffering on the cross, He said about those who had mocked, ridiculed and tortured Him unjustly, "Father forgive them; for they know not what they do. (Luke 23:34)

3. Remember to ask God why He let this unjustice happen.  These reasons may include:

  a) It is a test from God.

  b) It is a temptation from Satan.

  c) It is an assignment from God.

  d) It is a souce of unseen benefits which God want to give us in an unusual way.

Jenna:

As we search for the "unwanted strangers" in our lives and sibling relationships, we have to humble ourselves as we peel away each layer of our heart. Let me be painfully honest here, I have a hard time searching out problems in my life. It is a pride issue (that I AM dealing with.), and when I am proud or haughty, it is impossible to HONESTLY evaluate my rights and wrongs.

Getting rid of all pride and sin is hard...it's painful...it's humbling and it is FREEING! Pride is such an issue in most sibling relationships...I deal with it every day.

 

Ask yourself these questions as you search and pray:

 

• Have I hurt them through unkind words or actions?
• Have I lied to them or stolen from them?
• Have I made fun of them or teased them? Especially in front of my friends? Or their friends?
• Have I neglected to do something that they were expecting from me?
• Have I been hard to please?
• Have I been angry with them or lost my temper?
• Have I been insensitive to their feelings?
• Have I treated them unjustly in any way?
• Have I put my own friends and priorities ahead of them?
• Have I gossiped against them?
• Have I caused frustration by not noticing or praising them?
• Have I had a competitive spirit against them?
• Have I failed to fulfill something I said I would do?
• Have I ignored them with an attitude of unconcern?

 

If there was a circumstance that came to your mind while you meditated on those questions - that you never addressed, ask forgiveness for it. Your sibling will be blessed by your humility. They will follow your own example, especially if you are older.

 

 

~Bethany and Jenna~

Skunks and Mothballs

Josh-

"In the same way, each of us will be either a 'polluting influence' or a godly influence to those around us. God desires that we spread the fragrance of Christ everywhere we go. We want to saturate our community with the fragrance of Christ. Our godly attitudes, purity, and willingness to stand for Christ will spread His fragrance. Just as my bag spent it's time sitting next to mothballs, so we want to spend our time with Jesus. If we are abiding with Christ and His Word, His fragrance will automatically flow from us."

While this quote does not directly relate to making your brother or sister a best friend, I feel that it does possess some coherance, in the context of the big picture. If you take a step back and look at the big picture of your relationship with your sibling, you can make the connection between "saturating the community with the fragrance of Christ" to saturating your sibling relationship with the fragrance of Christ. With Jesus Christ as he heart and focus of a relationship, love for one another will stronger than ever! Just as we want to be a "godly influence to those around us", all the same, we should strive to be a godly influence to our siblings as well...


Jenna -

"As Sarah, Stephen, and I are growing older, our relationship is changing. We used to play Legos and games together, but now we like to talk, laugh and do projects together. We haven't drifted apart because of our own separate friends, interests, and schedules. No, our relationship stays strong...If we can learn to love and work well with our families as we're growing up, it will help us when we need to get along with other people in life." Pg. 69

My mom and I have talked many times about not letting our schedules get so busy that we don't have any time to invest in our siblings. I know that it is very easy to get wrapped up in personal interests and activities...and, when you're struggling with getting along with a sibling, "running away and hiding" in your personal interests and activities is the perfect solution - at least that's what we're tempted to think.

A helpful relationship strengthener, is to find an area of interest that you and your sibling(s) share...for our family that is animals:) Most of us really like goats, and so we do barnchores 2x a day together, we prepare them for a show and show them together, and everything that we do for goats and animals is TOGETHER!! We have learned how to work together - though we're still working on communication between some of us. This year Abigail is joining Josh and I in showing hogs...we do that project TOGETHER which makes it so much fun!!! We work through the rough spots together, compile our notebooks together, laugh and talk while we work together etc. 4-H has been a great resource for our relationships.

Another idea is reading. For a while Josh read the Hardy Boys to Caleb and Abigail and every afternoon they looked forward to it! Every afternoon before rest time, we read books to Anna and Natalie - they LOVE it!!!

I encourage all of you to find a COMMON AREA OF INTEREST and invest in that interest...maybe it is animals, maybe it's some sport, maybe it's cooking. Your siblings will really enjoy the time that you invest in them.


Bethany -

It is so easy to look at the small picture and what is going to affect us now. It's so easy to say "my sister/brother absolutely hates me so why would I even try to work on our relationship" but in the long run, your siblings are going to be around you for pretty much forever and a life with love is way more enjoyable then a life with hate. My Dad always told my sister and I, "Friends have an end, but sisters (or brothers!) are FOREVER." In the long run, your hard fought fight to have a good relationship with your siblings is going to pay off and you will have some of the best friends of your life.

The big picture includes three things to focus on:

#1. Cleanse Your Life "One essential step in seeking God's best is to get rid of any "polluting influence" that you are allowing in your life or home or family". (p.66) This would be getting those things that are hurting your relationships such as corrupt music, bad books, friends that are causing you to take too much time away from your family, etc.

#2. Spend Time with the Lord and His Word. By spending time in God's word and talking to Him, you will glean wonderful encouragement and learn how better to love your siblings. Plus, why wouldn't talk to the King of Kings if you had the open invitation?

#3. Submit to Your Parents "Parental authority is a concept that most people to not seem to grasp. One of the main things that people have difficulty understanding about authority is that it is a GOOD thing, not a BAD thing." (p. 69)

Parents are a wonderful authority that God has given us. If we submit to them, we may learn more about our family and how to treat them."You can only see up to the next bend and you don't know what is ahead.

"From the sky you can see the whole river and where you are going, but from down below you can only see the next step. We need to look at our life from God's perspective. Sometimes we only know the next task or the next step, but the Lord has a much bigger plan in store for us." (p. 80)

The Benefits of Being a Good Brother or Sister:

• You will bring honor to your parents.
• You will have a good (powerful and effective) testimony to others
• You will be laying a godly foundation for generations to come
• You will get more accomplished (because you will have cooperation instead of conflicts)
• You will experience a peaceful home
• You will be building vital character traits of godliness in your life
• You will have excellent preparation for your future marriage and ministry
• Your investment in the life of your sister or brother will be a priceless treasure to them
• You and your siblings will avoid the trap of needing approval from friends, because you will find security in each other
• Your love will be a demonstration to everyone that you are Christ's disciple
• Your brothers and sisters will be one of your greatest resources of caution and counsel, and help in times of need.
• You will find great joy!
• You will enjoy the rich, lifelong friendship that God intended
• You will gain experience and insight which will help you get along with other believers - your brothers and sisters in Christ.

Stephens Definitions

Perplexed - One boy who must write one sentence.
Cofused - One boy who must write one paragraph.
Disaster - One boy who has a deadline set by his sister!
Skunk - A creature with enough "scents" not to play hide and seek.
Future - A time to schedule all of your work.
Campers - Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes.


Blessings to you all as you work on INVESTING in your siblings and look to the future - you want your relationships to be strong and close, right?

~Josh, Jenna and Bethany

The Chance of a Lifetime

Your Life Work Starts in Your Family

Characteristics of a True Servant

• Knows that all assignments are actually from God
• Will be quick to volunteer
• Considers his assignment important
• Takes orders
• Does not desire to have authority
• Will do what others do not or will not do
• Enjoys meeting needs
• Doesn't need recognition
• Will voluntarily serve without pay
• Doesn't seek higher status
• Will do more than is required
• Does not have his own selfish ambitions
• Will serve anyone - even those whom others don't like to serve
• Is willing to be treated like a servant
• Does not seek the "big" and "important" assignments
• Will serve with a joyful attitude
• Will put his whole heart into each task
• Thinks of others before himself
• Desires that his master receives the credit
• Desires that God receives the glory

Jenna -

While we were reading Do Hard Things, we talked about doing the SMALL things...the "things" that don't seem important, but they are! We're back to that in this book; but can you do the small things with a servants heart?

As the older sister with "bossy syndrome", I will often ask one of the younger kids to go and get something for me. I realize that this is wrong and I have tried to stop though it is hard because that was my habit.

The other day I was putting some laundry away, and my younger brother looked at me and said "Jenna, you're a servant aren't you"? At first it sounded funny to me, and then I said "yes" because that's what I desire!! The Characteristics listed above, changed my thinking. I am a servant, and don't think that it's misery! You will be a huge blessing to many people because of your servants heart.

"And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance; for ye serve the Lord Christ."

Colossians 3:23-24

Bethany -

Like Jenna mentioned, we just covered this exact issue in our last book.....Do Hard Things! This chapter very much reminds me of the chapter "Small Hard Things" in that we really need to focus on the smaller, less glamorous things of life such as loving siblings that are hard to get along with, babysitting those crazy little ones or living peacefully in a home. Those things can be really really hard, even if they aren't big and exciting.

I believe God gave families for many special reasons. I think families help build character in each person's life. Parents learn how to teach and love at the time same time. Children learn to obey submissively. Siblings learn to love and serve even when it is difficult.

"God has put a mission field right before us. We need to be understanding and encouraging to our siblings, parents and grandparents. When we are ten, twelve or sixteen years old, we may not have the opportunity to be a missionary to Africa, but we can fulfill the ministry that God wants us to do right now, right here. 'He that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much.' (Luke 16:10)

It's not a glamourous, exciting or outwardly rewarding field that many people notice, but being a servant to our family is one of the most wonderful, inwardly rewarding jobs in life. Take hold of it and enjoy your family today!

Stephen's Definitions
Slave - Synonym for "son."
Perplexed - One sister who mus make one left turn.
Confused - Two sisters who mush make two left turns.
Disaster - When two lost sisters, who insist they have made two right turns, call home for directions, and no one is home but their mother!
Vacation - When you travel for days to get your picture taken next to your car.
Important - A false idea we have about ourselves.

If any of you have an interest in writing a guest post on this book, please email Jenna at femininefarmgirl @ gmail . com ! Thank you.

~Jenna and Bethany

Home Sweet Home: In Crisis

Wow, the beginning of another book!  We've been so blessed by going through these books and discussing them on this blog, we hope you have been as well!  If you are joining, we hope you enjoy this new book....Making Brothers and Sister's Best Friends by Sarah, Stephen and Grace Mally. 

Why Your Own Family is Often Your Biggest Struggle

6 Reasons for Family Conflict:

#1. False Concepts

#2. Bitterness

#3. Higher Expectations of Our Family

#4. Lower Expectations of Ourselves

#5. Distractions
#6. Hidden Enemy Influences

Bethany:

"Sometimes you are helpless the only solution is to be rescued.  You can't do it by yourself."

~Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends  (p. 18)

Let's start out facing the truth......home is one of the most difficult places to get along with everyone.   There have definately been times where I need rescuing.  Sure there may be days where everyone gets along beautifully, but others are just horrible.  I'm saying this from experience.  I personally live in a home with many siblings and sometimes they are often changing.  Last year our family decided to take in foster children and since then we've had a total of 6 different kids in our home.  On top of that I have 3 biological siblings and two adopted!  We definitely don't always get along. 

I will say that I am very blessed to have my closest sibling in age as my best friend.  Pretty much we never argue and if we do, it's rarely serious.  However.....there are others in the family....that I may not get along with the greatest.  This first chapter that we are reading today points us out.  We have a serious problem and we'd better get to the bottom of things before it's too late.  

I'm going to just really quick talk through the 6 reasons for family conflicts.  #1.  False Concepts.  If we believe that there are problems with everyone else and we are absolutely fine, that is a false concept.  Maybe you believe that nothing is ever going to change in your relationship with your siblings.  Either way, it's all false and can be overcome.  #2. Bitterness.  Did a brother or sister do something to you once that you just CANNOT forgive them for?  Remember to forgive others as Christ has forgiven you.  #3. Higher expectations of our family.  We expect our family to just naturally love, accept and care for us.  Maybe they do, but they don't have all the time in the world for us.  We've gotta accept that.  #4. Lower expectations of ourselves.  This is so true and it's kinda scary.  You know that thing called peer pressure?  That's going to get the best of us one day.  We are so nice to our friends and those outside of the home but can be nasty and difficult at home.  Come on everyone, we gotta buck up and have higher expectations of ourselves at home.  #5. Distractions.  Let's just start a list.....Computers, cell phones, texting, video games, sports, books, friends, work, etc.  Hidden Enemy Influences.  This is the biggy!  Satan hates a good strong family and he's going to work as hard as he can to rip them apart.  Fight that good fight and show the Devil who's in charge (God).  Stand up for Jesus!

Jenna:

"From the beginning, Satan has tried to undermine and destroy God's plan. A godly family has much potential for the Lord. The enemy knows this and works very hard to destroy families. He has many lies, snares, and strategies. The world is also working against us. We are surrounded by influences and teachings which do not encourage relationships in the family." Pg. 16

Getting along with a sibling(s) can be a real challenge, can't it? My twin and I get along VERY well and hardly ever misunderstand each other. My 3 little sisters are easy as pie to get along with 1. because they're SO cute! and 2. they're not old enough to talk back...
It is my three "middle" siblings that I need to work on being a best friend to, and it's often a big challenge for me. I find that one of my biggest mistakes, is that I have very high expectations that I want to see from them, and it often just sets them up for failure. Those high expectations frustrate them and a fight starts.

This week I am working on having high expectations for MYSELF, and to encourage others!

Stephen's Definitions:

Brother - A practically perfect person who helps his sisters learn character.

Book - A random selection of words compiled to make a point that some people may not like.

Expectations - An idea that you hope someone will do at a certain time, in a certain place, to a certain person, in order to benefit you in a certain way.
Patience - A character quality which children under five instinctively aim to develop in those around them.
Home - A place where yo ucan say what you think, but no one listens.
Friends - People who usually have the same virtues, the same enemies, or the same faults.
Family Trees - They seem to produce a variety of nuts.

Do you have a problem with getting along with your siblings?  How has this chapter encouraged you?  We love to hear your thoughts!

In Christ,
~Bethany and Jenna~

The Winner is...

....Hannah of Marilla Heights!!! Congratulations Hannah! Please email Jenna at femininefarmgirl(at)gmail(dot)com with your address, and the book will be sent to you shortly;D

Thank you all for participating in the giveaway! For anyone that is interested in "Making Brothers and Sisters your Best Friends", go to the Mally's website HERE! The book is on sale right now!!

Thank you Sarah, Stephen and Grace Mally, for writing this encouraging book, and thank you for donating a copy to this giveaway!! We look forward to discussing it!!!



We would love for you to get the book (try the library if you can't buy it) and discuss each chapter with us, starting on February 1.

Blessings!
Bethany and Jenna

Do Hard Things, the Gospel, and You.

Bethany:

This is the last chapter of Do Hard Things! Hard to believe it's done, it went so quickly! I hope you all were encouraged to do harder things for God, whether they be big or small. I know I was!

In the last chapter Alex describes the beauty and simplicity of one of many people's biggest, hardest and ultimately best decision in life.....accepting Jesus Christ as your Savior. One of the most well known verses in the Bible is;

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.

John 3:16

While there are many more verses regarding the love of God and the death (and resurrection!) of Jesus Christ for our sins, this verse sums it all up beautifully. How I praise God for His love towards me and I thank Him for saving me from the firey pit of hell. If you are not saved by God's dear grace, consider joining us on the most exciting journey of your life! Loving and serving God all our days, can it get much better?

Jenna:

Going through Do Hard Things and discussing it, has been both a challenge and a delight for me!!I was of course, very encouraged to do the hard things, but more specifically the small hard things that tend to go un-noticed. I was convicted of not doing those hard things, yet I purposed to put a lot more effort into them because if I'm faithful in the little, I'll be faithful in much! I've been encouraged to do all for the glory of Jesus, and not for man.

Do Hard Things encouraged me to be a light in the darkness and to enjoy all of the hard things that I do...Easy? No! But a challenge? Yes, and one that I am going to take up!!!

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Thank you to everyone who read Do Hard Things with us!! We hope that it encouraged you as much as it did us, and if you are so inclined, we would love to hear your thoughts in the comment section. What encouraged you, inspired you or challenged you?

Also, don't forget to enter the giveaway for Making Brothers and Sisters your Best Friends in the post below. It is the next book that we will be discussing here, and we would love for each of you to join us. Both young and old will be challenged to not just "get along" with siblings, but to ENJOY, LOVE and NURTURE a blessed relationship with them. Of course you have to apply it to your own life, but this will give you a big start:D We look forward to starting it!!!

In Christ,

Bethany and Jenna

***Giveaway***

While we are finishing up our Do Hard Things discussion, we will be hosting a giveaway of the next book: Making Brothers and Sisters your Best Friends !!! Sarah, Stephen and Grace Mally (the authors of the book) were VERY kind, and agreed to donate a brand new copy of this wonderful book to whoever wins this giveaway!

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Below are the ways that you can enter for 4 entries total!!

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~ Comment on this post

~ Post about the giveaway on your blog and make sure to put a direct link to the post in a comment here!

~ Put a post on Facebook about the giveaway, and make sure to put a direct link to the post in a comment here!

~ If people come from your blog and mention your name, we will add an entry for you:)

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This giveaway will end on Thursday, January 21, 2010 and the winner will be announced on Friday morning. You don't have long to enter and spread the word, so do it quick!!

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Have fun!

Josh, Bethany and Jenna

A Thousand Young Hero's!

This chapter is full of amazing stories of how young teens start wonderful ministries for refugee's, orphans and widows all across america and in other countries as well. The Harris brothers pose a question at the end: "What's your story"?

That is a big question, and as we all ponder and seek out the Lord's will for our ministry, we need to remember that the mission field is right in front of us! It may be right in our family, right in our backyard or neighborhood, or in our own Church family. Don't limit yourself to only going to Africa or China (as wonderful as it sounds). Also, it's not "our" or "my" ministry that we're starting - it's GOD'S ministry that HE is using us to work through!! What an honor to do HIS work!!
I'm praying for the Lord's guidance as I wait for Him to show me exactly which mission location that He wants me to work in. As for now, I am in my parents home and my mission is to be a Christ-like example to my younger siblings (which I'm always working on improving). I also have a big passion for blessing young moms around the area that need an afternoon of help with meals, babysitting, cleaning and much more. What is the Lord's will for my life?? Where does He want me to be? When will He reveal His plans to me?
These are my unknowns, but wherever and whatever I'm doing I am going to be a LIGHT for Jesus Christ and I pray that I bless all the people that I come in contact with. Wherever you are, you have a mission - pray and ask the Lord to show you what it is!


What's YOUR mission? We'd love to hear your thoughts!!!

*A note to all of our readers! We apologize for not posting on our regular schedule this week...we will adjust the schedule accordingly and thank you for understanding! One quick announcement: Our next book will be "Making Brothers and Sisters your Best Friends" by Sarah, Stephen and Grace Mally. Please order it or find it now so that you can be ready to start with us! There will be more announcements in the next week:)*


~Jenna

Generation Rising

Bethany

"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses it's saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be throw out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead, they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.Matthew 5:13-16"

We are the salt. We are the ones who need to get out into the world and help "preserve" it for God. There's no one thing that we must do, God needs "world changers" everywhere! Whether it be a school, work, or a mission field, God needs you. Use all the techniques we've gone over in this book, collaboration, going out of your comfort zone, doing the hard thing. It's time for us to change the world! Give God the glory!


Jenna

"Has God begun to place a passion inside you to take action on a larger scale - to do hard things that will launch you into the thick of the Christian counterculture we call the Rebelution? If so, you're in a very exciting place. Getting hold of that kind of personal passion for the first time is often one of the primary passages between childhood and adulthood. Think of your holy ambition as a world-sized passion placed under the lordship of Jesus Christ..." Pg. 182

This is a subject that we seem to talk about daily, here in our house. The Lord has blessed us with so much even though we'd be considered "poorer" here in the states. However, we have a full family of friends, and all of our needs our met! We have fresh clean water at our convenience, comfortable warm beds, nice clothes, bibles, books and more. WE ARE BLESSED, and we are also blessed in Jesus Christ. The Lord has given me and my twin a passion for orphans... and during my single years while preparing for getting married (if the Lord wills), I want to be helping these orphans...I want to share my blessing with them both spiritually and physically.

Be thinking about what God has given you and what you can do to bless others, especially those that don't have the comfort and faith that we have. Let's be inspired to bless others. We can do BIG things with Him!

In Christ,
Jenna and Bethany

Taking a Stand

Jenna~

"When we make decisions to obey God - even when it costs us something - and to live out our faith in our day-to-day life, it will be hard, but it will be good. And it will be good because God loves to bless us when we are faithful to stand for Him." Pg. 154

Sometimes it seems incredibly hard to stand up and walk away from ______ , because that means that you are going against what others think - you have to be set-apart! But friends, being set-apart is a good thing, and we should be seeking to be set-apart for Jesus Christ. When we ask Jesus to come into our hearts, and we BELIEVE in Him, then the "old man" (our fleshly desires) are dead, and we are no longer living by him. We are FREE from sin, free from gossip, free from all that bondage, all because Jesus Christ laid down His life for us!
Don't be afraid to stand up and say to yourself "that is wrong, and I'm not going to do it..." don't be afraid to go against the ways of this world and follow Jesus Christ, our Savior, our Immanuel, our King!

Bethany~

Taking a stand in your circles is not the easiest thing to do. Peer pressure is against you, possibly your social status. Yet God isn't concerned with your social status, He's concerned about you and me and whether or not we will make a stand for Him. There are times when you may have to stand up against something that you know is wrong. I'll admit, it's gotta be about the hardest thing for teens to do. We are so worried about what others think about us (which we totally just have to get over)! We need to stand up and show others the way to Christ.

I love it how the Harris brothers put it:

" Our ultimate goal is not just that those around us would stop joining the world's way but that they would learn to love and embrace God's way. We ca accomplish this by being passionate ambassadors, eager to proclaim the goodness of God and stand for Him before the watching world."

And as rebolutionaries, our stand for what is good and right today will have an even bigger impact than we may realize.


Do you stand up for good, and walk away from evil???
In Christ,
Jenna and Bethany:)

Small Hard Things

How to do Hard Things That Don't pay of Immediately

Top 5 reasons doing small hard things is so difficult:

#1. They don't usually go away after you do them.

(like dishes, laundry, etc.)

#2. They don't seem very important.

#3. They don't seem to make a difference.

#4.They don't seem very glamorous.

#5. No one is watching.

Top 5 ways we fail to do small hard things:

#1. Procrastination

#2. Inconsistency

#3. Compromise

#4. Begrudging

#5. Cheating

Bethany:

This chapter is one of my personal favorites as it nearly applies directly to me. My personality it more likely to do hard things but set those little things off to the side. I have no problem tackling two hours of chores three times a day, but have a hard getting with keeping my room clean. I think I'm a prime case of not doing small hard things. You'd think....it'd be so easy! This chapter really helped me prioritize and see how important even those little jobs are.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men."

Colossians 3:23

"Whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."

1 Corinthians 10:31

Here's a great paragraph out of the book:

"Rebelutionaries have to think straight about this problem or we'll get ambushed on our way to doing big hard things for God. And what's more, we'll miss out on the genuine significance and hidden benefits of what we like to call "small hard things."

Jenna:

Ah yes, doing those small hard things don't normally appeal to me, or seem glamorous!! I completely understand how it feels to look at the dish pile that NEVER goes away...and, it seems like my little 4 year old sister (who shares my room) always forgets to pick up her clothes and put them away - extra job;)

However, we are reminded in Luke 25:21 that if "You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much."

I was very blessed by the quote below:

"Small hard things are the individual repetitions - like a single push-up. They are seemingly insignificant by themselves but guaranteed to get results over time." Pg. 138

As we go through our daily routines, let's all purpose to enjoy the little hard things, knowing that over time there will be a guaranteed reward/result!!

Josh:

"Small things most often occur behind the closed doors of our homes, schools, or churches. They are rarely new or exciting, and they are often repetitive-even tedious. Small things happen on the level at which we normally live our lives. In fact, in the most basic sense they are our lives- the 'stuff' that makes up everyday living." pg. 135

Like Jenna and Bethany, the small things are typically not glamorous and most times tedious. But, many of the challenges and the hard things that come our way and cause the most character growth, are just the things that happen everyday! Let's embrace the small hard things and do them to the glory of God...

What are 3 small hard things you have a hard time accomplishing?

~Bethany, Josh and Jenna~

The Power of Collaberation

Ten things The Harris Brothers have Learned about Teams:

1. Start with Questions
2. Walk with the Wise
3. Don't overlook Home Field Advantage
4. Use tehnology to Grow your team
5. Treasure Constructive Criticism
6. Credit is Free if you Give it away
7. Other people are sinners too
8. Expect a nightmare or two
9. Don't give up
10. Success Happens (In more ways than One)


Jenna -

"Family is a God-designed vehicle for collaboration that most teens miss, even though we're right in the midde of it. God intended your parents to be your primary mentors, and unless you're an only child, siblings can be some of your best team members." Pg. 121

Although I'm inspired to do "something big", the opportunity is not in my lap! However, I have a team...there are at least 9 people on it, and that is my family!! My family knows me best - my strengths and weaknesses, and often times they can help me the most too:) Until something big comes along, I have a team to work with. To encourage each other and to prepare together should the Lord see fit to give us a "hard thing" to do!!

Bethany -

The first thing I thought of when I read this chapter was the verse in Ecclesiastes, "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed." Big things are hard to accomplish when you are by yourself, so lower that pride a little and let others help out!

"American popular lore tries to persuade us that our destiny was won only by rugged individuals who stood tall, acted alone, rarely talked, and drank their whiskey straight. We're taught to admire the rebel, the loner, the maverick. But the facts suggest that the achievements of nations - like those of corporations, armies, universities, sports teams, churches and families - depend heavily on people coming together to co-labor: to agree on a common goal and then collaborate to make it happen."

Who's on your team?? Are they there to help you succeed?!

Raising the Bar

How to do Hard Things that go Beyond What's Expected or Required

Bethany:

Complacency is dangerous.  Today, expectations are so low that is easy for us to just procrastinate and not reach for the top, but God has made expectations so high "so that we won't make the mistake of aiming low.  He made them unreachable so that we would never have an excuse to stop growing"

Here are a few questions from the book to help identify complacency;

1. What areas of my life do I nt care about that I know I should care aabout?

2. In what areas have i fallen short of God's standards and my own potential?

3. In what areas have I settled for just getting by when I know I could do better if I really tried?

4. In what areas have I decided that things "will always be this way" without ever putting in the kind of effort that really changes things?

Jenna:

It is very easy to fall into the pit and sin of lazyness, and not do our best...we accomplish just enough school to scrap by a test, and everything else that we do is half-hearted and not unto the Lord.

We have the ability to raise the bar and "go above and beyond what our culture expects and take us closer to what God expects:

1) Do what's hard for you
2) Be known for what you do (more than for what you don't)
3) Pursue excellence, not excuses

And one that I added...do ALL things unto the Lord, and please Him! Know that you've done your VERY best without a doubt!!

What is one way you have been compliant on something you shouldn't have been?

God bless,

~Bethany, Jenna and Josh~

That First Scary Step

How to do hard things that take you outside your comfort zone...

Jenna -

"Everyone likes to feel strong and smart. That means as soon as we start to feel stretched or pushed past our limits, we hit the brakes, slam into reverse, and scoot back to our comfort zones. Who wants to risk feeling weak and stupid?" Pg. 70

By not wanting to do hard things (I know all about that...) we're really saying that:

"We don't want to do things that don't come easily or naturally. We don't want to break through our fears. And by our actions, we're also saying that God isn't good and powerful enough to help us do what we can't comfortably do on our own. And that's a lie the Enemy loves!" Pg. 71

When it comes to doing hard things, two circumstances stand out in my memory.

It occured 2 years ago when I had my Spring Piano Recital. I had my 2 pieces down to perfection, memorized and beautiful...we got to the church and I wasn't even shaking! Wow! I made it through the whole recital (I was 2nd to last) and my name was called...I walked up to the piano (almost tripped) and started playing. All of a sudden I couldn't remember the next chord. It got so bad that I had to turn around and ask my teacher for my music. Boy, it was SO tough and I JUST WANTED the floor to SWALLOW me up! Guess what? It didn't...I was up there with my mind spinning, face as red as a beet and I thought I was going to die. But I did it, and somehow I was still alive! And what a RELIEF to accomplish that even though I made mistakes.

The second hardest thing for me to do, occurred last year. I was in a play. I don't remember how I agreed to it because for those of you that know me, I dislike, to the greatest extent, performing in front of people... I would much rather be in the audience. I toiled in agony for a whole year, trying to memorize, trying to act...it was all in vain. I will be honest and mention that my attitude was not God-honoring which made my accomplishment little when I finally said goodbye to the stage. That was such a trying time in my life...just ask my poor mother who had to hear my complaints for that entire year - I'm so sorry mom:)

I learned from those two experiences, to put my best into every project that I am in and to do everything AS UNTO THE LORD! It will make the ending SO much more joyful and exciting!!

Bethany -

"Fear is the fence that keeps us stuck in our comfort zones. To be fair, we usuallly feel fear for a reason: often something is outside that should make us afraid. The problem is when we just sit there. We wait. And we wait. Why? Well we're waiting to stop feeling afraid before we attempt anything. And - just to be fair - we're often afraid to try something new because of painful past experiences. We tried stepping out before, and it blew up in our faces. We poured everything we had into something we cared about and our efforts fell short. We don't want to embarrass ourselves again.

The truth is, though, is that it's going to be a long wait. If we're waiting until the fear and feelings of inadequacy go away, we'll never venture outside our comfort zones. Until we take a step in spite of our fears, none of us will ever truly be able to do hard things." (pg.74-75)

Fear is a dreadful weight. It ties you down and gives you little freedom. A year ago I was a shy, homeschooled, sheltered, 15 year old sophomore given a task. With 14 days in advance, I was told to prepare a speech to give in front of judges. It had to be a memorized speech, so it wasn't like I could just go up there and start talking. On top of all that, it was the first speech I'd ever given in my life (outside of speeches given at home) so I wasn't exactly sure how it was all going to play out. I was scared. But I ignored the fear and got up there and gave my 8 minutes speech. Ever since then, I have loved getting up in front of judges and speaking. What an amazing discovery that I wouldn't have found if I hadn't faced my fear.

While you may be faced with fear that may be more than getting up in front of judges and speaking, you still have to face it. Get outta that comfort zone and DO HARD THINGS!

What are two HARD things that you faced and accomplished in your life?? PLEASE SHARE!!!

A Better Way

Reclaiming the teen years as the launching pad of life

Bethany -

So the teen years are looked at as the crazy partying years of a person's life. People have accepted this as the norm and there is even a name for them.....Kidults. "Legally, they're adults, but they're on the threshold, the doorway to adulthood and they're not going through it." I've seen this often, and it's terribly sad. Where is the maturity, the strength, the adulthood? Is our future generation going to even know these characteristics? They will with our help! It's all a myth! Teens CAN do hard things! Let's show them we can do it!

Jenna -

The teen years are given to me as a time to prepare for when I am an adult. I am still under my parents authority and guidance, and constantly learning things from them as they share their wisdom! Instead of partying through high school, I know that I need to be preparing for the work that God has called me too...how do I know what God has called me to??? I PRAY! I seek the Lord and ask HIM:) In His perfect timing, He will reveal to me what I am to be doing.

I'm asking myself the hard questions:

- Is how I'm spending my time right now preparing me for what I hope to become in the future?

- Am I doing things now that will equip me for the greater things that God may have me do?

Have you heard of the saying: "What you do when you're young is what you'll do when you're old"? In other words, I need to be preparing myself to do what the Lord asks of me, I need to give myself to His will.

I encourage you to ask yourself those hard questions too! Are you doing things now that will equip you to do the great things that God may have you do???!

Josh -

"After all, kidults are the logical result of the Myth of Adolescence, which encourages teens to view adulthood as spoiling the fun of the teen years rather than viewing it as the fulfilment of the teen years."(51)

Lets change that!

Let's be young people who "are rebelling against low expectations by choosing to get every possible benefit out of their teen years in creative, responsible, and highly efficient ways."(60)

I challenge you to tell us how you are doing hard things. How are you choosing to reap every possible benefit out of the teen years?

Real quick, let's take a peek at what we'll be talking about Wednesday:

5 Kinds of Hard

1).Things that are outside your comfort zone
2) Things that go beyond what is expected or required
3) Things that are too big to accomplish alone
4) Things that don't earn an immediate payoff
5) Things that challenge the cultural norm

What is a way that you can prepare yourself for the future?

In Christ,
~Bethany, Jenna, Josh~